If that’s something you’ve had to deal with often, know that you’re not alone. Wives coming up with excuses to wriggle out of sex is a common occurrence in most marriages. Some of these excuses may be far too relatable to not elicit a chuckle out of you.
10 Ultimate Excuses Wives Make To Not Have Sex
“My wife avoids intimacy and uses all kinds of excuses to get out of having sex,” said Josh to his friend, Ruel. He was distraught at his sex life being in limbo. “Is my marriage on the rocks? Does it mean she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore? Could it be a sign that she’s falling for someone else?” Josh’s mind was spinning out of control. That’s when Ruel reached out, and said, “Hey, man, don’t sweat it too much. My wife makes excuses not to sleep with me all the time. At first, it bothered me to no end, but I’ve now accepted that we just have different libidos.” Josh found his friend’s words immensely reassuring. Then, over beers, the two friends started comparing their respective spouses’ excuses to not have sex. To their surprise, they found these 10 common excuses their wives used to regularly to avoid sex:
1. The kids are still up and will hear us in the next room
Whenever a man hears this, he knows it’s a euphemism for “I don’t want to have sex”. The “my wife avoids me sexually” realization is never a pleasant one, but some men learn to work their way around it. Pro tip: If your wife avoids sex with this excuse, make sure you tuck the kids in and tell them stories till they drift away to sleep. Then, pamper your wife with a sensuous body rub. Forget avoiding sex, she will be the one initiating it!
2. I just made the bed
If you live with a cleanliness freak who loses sleep if even a coaster is out of place, we bet you’d have heard this excuse more than a few times. The next time, don’t let the “my wife makes excuses for everything” thought irritate you. Instead, suggest taking the action to the couch, the dining table or even the kitchen counter. The perfect way to counter her excuse and also spice up your sex life. Two birds, one stone.
3. It’s a full moon night
If she’s into astrology or has strong spiritual beliefs, she may cite reasons like these to avoid sex. Now, how do you counter that! You’re just left with a nagging thought in your head, “My wife avoids intimacy in the most ridiculous ways.” Well, if she doesn’t want to have sex on a full moon night, you don’t have much choice but to let it slide. However, there is nothing stopping you from trying the next day, and the day after that. After all, this excuse to not have sex is valid only once a month.
4. The dog is staring at me
If you’re a pet parent, you know that your pooch becomes the center of your universe before you even know it. And of course, he sleeps in your room, if not on the same bed as you and your wife. So, your beloved furry friend gives your wife one of the best excuses to not have sex. Kicking the dog out is not even an option, and you know it. Your best bet again is to take the action elsewhere. If you’ve been doing through a prolonged dry spell in the bedroom, you can even consider taking a sexcation over the weekend to infuse fresh life into your sex life.
5. I think I have a cold coming, I may infect you…
The moment she says this, your thought may well be, “My wife makes excuses not to sleep with me and this is just another one of those.” But hey, cut her some slack and give her the benefit of the doubt. Even if you see no apparent signs that she’s coming down with a cold. Bring her hot soup instead, and there’s a good chance that she may want to reciprocate by showing you a good time in bed. If not the same day, then soon.
6. I have a headache
Are you even married if her uttering the word “headache” doesn’t instantly make you think “my wife avoids me sexually”? After all, this is one of the excuses to not have sex that has been done to death, and then some. You know exactly what you need to do to counter this one. Give her a long, relaxing head massage, and as she begins to enjoy herself give things a naughty turn. Some raunchy action is guaranteed.
7. I ate too much, feeling a bit gassy
When she says this, chances are you’d blow your top, thinking, “My wife makes excuses for everything.” We hate to break it to you that this isn’t really an excuse. Feeling bloated and gassy really does a number on women’s libido. Before you make your displeasure and frustration known to her, remember that chances of feeling gassy and bloated are the highest when a woman is dealing with PMS. You don’t want to get on her wrong side when she’s already grappling with aches, cramps and devious mood swings. The best course of action would be to let it slide, and try another day.
8. I can’t have sex when your mother is visiting. It kills the mood
“Not only does my wife avoid intimacy but she uses my mother as an excuse.” This realization can send your annoyance levels through the roof. We feel ya. But take a moment to see things from her perspective. Perhaps, the worry of whether the sound of her moans is traveling across the hall to your mother’s room can truly get in the way of arousal. Or she may just not be a fan of having to bite her tongue to keep herself from letting out a scream as she orgasms. Wait for mama dear’s visit to end to rekindle the sexual fire or try to catch a moment alone and blow your wife’s mind away with some earth-shattering action.
9. It’s not your birthday!
If this is one of the excuses your wife has used to get out having sex with you, you truly have our sympathies. The fact that sex is reserved for special occasions likes birthdays and anniversaries is a telling revelation that you’re in a sexless marriage. The effects of a sexless marriage can truly take a toll not just on your bond but also on your mental health. It’s imperative that you address the issue and work together to find a solution that works for both you and your wife.
10. Didn’t we have sex just last week?
You know your wife avoids sex if she brings up the last time you were intimate – like it was yesterday – every time you suggest getting down and dirty. This is a classic case of mismatched libidos, and you’ll either have to learn to live with it or be willing to go the extra mile to get your wife in the mood whenever your sexual appetite is worked up. “My wife makes excuses not to sleep with me” may not be a pleasant place to be in a marriage but it is certainly commonplace. So, don’t overthink what it means about the future of your relationship. Instead, focus your attention on reviving the chemistry and magic by trying new ways to connect with each other, not just sexually but also emotionally.
