Even if your marriage is on the rocks, perhaps the first step you can take toward regaining the lost harmony is making yourself the man your spouse fell in love with. By positively changing yourself as a husband, you might just set in motion a productive ripple effect. Though it might not seem like it when things get rough, being a better husband isn’t the hardest thing in the world. With a few acts of kindness, a few nods to indicate you’re listening, and by remembering the special dates, you’ve already started on your journey. Let’s take a look at how to be a better husband, lest you get a one-way ticket to the sofa.
How To Be A Better Husband? 12 Tips You Can Start Implementing Right Now
“Our marriage works like a well-oiled machine. We’re pretty driven by routine, and things may seem like they’re going well. Though I try to add a bit of fun into our marriage, my husband’s always too zoned out to even take notice. “Being a good husband came naturally to him in the beginning. But as a decade flew by and complacency in our marriage set in, it seems like he hasn’t even asked me how I am in the past year!” Nancy told us. Sometimes, when things seem to be on autopilot, the need to be a better husband may be nestled away. Only when you realize that the monotony of your marriage is eating away at it, will you desperately try to get her a bouquet that doesn’t do much for her. Though you might have been on top of all the marriage tips for husbands in your vows, sustaining them can sometimes get tricky. So, whether you’re trying to fix a broken marriage or just making sure you keep your spouse happy, the following ways to be a better husband can be of help:
1. Understand what she wants
Before we get into how to be a better husband, it’s imperative to understand exactly what it is that she wants. If your friend Daniel tells you to just get her a bouquet of white roses and be done with it, it’s going to blow up in your face when she tells you she couldn’t care less about white roses. Instead of doing the guesswork or trying to find your answers through other people, make sure you ask her what she wants. A simple, “Hey, how can I make you happier today?”, will make her believe that you’re putting in an effort. Is she the sporty kind? Be a better husband by joining her on her hikes you gave up three years ago. Is she a wine aficionado? Get her that exclusive bottle of wine that’s older than you are. Instead of surprising the teetotaler with a trip to Las Vegas, make sure you surprise the yoga junkie with a 2-day yoga retreat in the Bahamas.
2. Communicate your love the way they do
On your journey to figure out how to be a better husband, you must learn a new language. Don’t get the dictionaries out just yet; all you’ve got to learn is your partner’s love language. Getting your spouse the most expensive gifts isn’t going to accomplish much if their love language is quality time. If they value words of affirmation over those Gucci tops, you’ll be barking up the wrong tree by burning a hole in your pocket. One of the best ways to be a better husband is to simply understand how your partner communicates their love. Which one of the five love languages appeals to them the most? Once you know that, you know what to do.
3. Work on yourself
If you’ve found yourself trying to figure out how to be a better husband because your issues are negatively affecting your marriage, the best thing you can do is work on yourself. You might have been made aware of how you struggle with empathy, or your anger issues might just be wreaking havoc. In situations where the issues all stem from you, becoming a better husband is basically becoming a better person. If your marriage is being negatively affected by the issues you have, Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can help you understand what went wrong, and paint a path toward recovery.
4. Give each other space
“We talk, we’re kind, we give each other all we need. Everything should be going rather smoothly, but I still want to pull my hair out just because he’s always around. Even though I love him, the fact that he’s always clingy has introduced resentment in our marriage. “Completing each other’s sentences isn’t even cute anymore. I know what he’s thinking, he knows what I’m thinking. We both work from home, and it feels like I don’t have a life outside of him. I never thought this wonderful man could make me feel suffocated just by being around,” Jessica tells us. Though everything may be going great, the resentment could still linger in the air – simply because you two are always at each other’s heads. Spend some time apart, let your partner have some personal space. When you get time to miss each other, you’ll also understand what you fell in love with in the first place.
5. Work on the physical displays of affection
A peck on the lips is nice, but when was the last time you kissed your spouse for longer than 5 seconds? When was the last time you gave them a surprise hug and held on for longer than your usual 1.8 seconds? When figuring out how to be a better husband, it’s criminal to not think about physical affection. Amp up the public display of affection, pay more attention to being a bit cuter and make sure you’re not being selfish in bed.
6. Take up a few of their chores for a while
If you’re looking for quick-fix marriage tips for husbands, taking on your partner’s chores for the day can be a kind gesture they’re definitely going to appreciate. Who wouldn’t like it if you were given a day off from doing the dishes? Keep in mind that being a better husband entails more than just doing a few things around the house for your partner. Who knows, they may already be so upset with you that you picking up the mop might just be too little, too late. In those cases, it’s best to follow point number one.
7. Don’t jump to conclusions
“When she talked about the missing ‘spark’ from our marriage, I assumed all she was talking about was the bedroom. I told her I’ll try my best to spice things up. Eventually, when she realized that all I was changing was the way we approach sex, things got a bit heated. Not in a sexual way,” Jason tells us. When you assume you know what your partner is talking about, all you’re doing is making sure that there’s going to be miscommunication. Instead of assuming they’re angry, ask. Instead of assuming what they’re upset about, make sure you’re both on the same page.
8. Be a good listener
In your quest to figure out how to be a better husband, you might just set out to solve every single problem your partner has. Instead of always trying to be their hero, understand that sometimes all they need is someone to listen to what’s been going on. Listening can improve your relationship more than you know. Instead of going, “You shouldn’t have done that. Let’s do this to fix it,” just try saying, “I’m sorry that happened to you, that must be rough.” Becoming a better husband can be as simple as that.
9. Show initiative
Much like in your workplace, taking initiative is appreciated in your marriage as well. “All I did was ask her how I could love her the way she wanted me to, and she couldn’t stop smiling about it. “I asked what she’d like for me to do so I could figure out how to be a better husband. She asked me to be more receptive to what she said, but I don’t think my being receptive is going to make her as happy as asking this question did!” Micah tells us. Being a good husband is all about jumping in with both feet. When you’re willing to put time, effort and energy into your marriage, the initiative is going to pay dividends.
10. Forgive and let go
When you’re married, you’ve got to become very good at letting things go. The more you let lingering resentment take hold of your feelings, the harder you’re going to find it to be a better husband. Instead of continually bringing up the things that bother you, try to have one productive conversation about it and then let it go. Forgive your partner quicker than you usually do, don’t let grudges get in the way of a fulfilling marriage. We know that’s easier said than done, but it’s something you must pay attention to. If need be, try to take the help of a marriage counselor to iron out the kinks in your marriage.
11. Work on empathy and reciprocity
When you understand how to be more empathetic in your relationship, you can truly understand where your partner is coming from. You’ll get to know why they do the things they do, and in that lies the answer to how to be a better husband. When you reciprocate the effort and energy your partner puts in, you tell them that you appreciate all they do for your marriage and you’re willing to reciprocate. By simply viewing the world from your partner’s perspective, you’ll be able to increase the strength of your marriage.
12. Plan the activities you never have time for
When was your last date night? When did you last get physical with each other? Have you been putting off shopping for each other for the longest time? Go ahead and plan those activities. Perhaps, you could surprise your partner with a fun day; put some effort into planning everything to the last detail and making all the arrangements. Becoming a better husband is all about putting time into your relationship. Plan those fun date nights, take the initiative, and you’re going to see your partner appreciate you for it. How to be a better husband is one of those things that isn’t as easy as buying your partner a gift, but sometimes, it just can be. At the end of the day, just make sure that you put in more constructive time, and that the effort is noticeable. In no time, you’re going to feel the bliss of a harmonious marriage. It’s possible, we promise.
