“Till death do us part.” “In sickness and in health.” This is what you promise each other while exchanging marital vows but often these promises get lost with time. Your marriage becomes monotonous and instead of death, an affair makes you part. At some point, your Google searches change from ‘best presents for a wife’ to ‘list of the best spy apps’. What will you do if you find out that you are in a marriage of three? A marriage is built on two pillars: trust and commitment. But how can you trust her when her affections are showered on another? All those years of togetherness start to feel like a lie. Maybe, after all, there’s no happily ever after. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, statistics on cheating wives indicate that 15% of married women have extramarital affairs. A study in The Journal of Sex Research reveals that women are most likely to cheat between six to ten years of a relationship. In her book, Written on the Body, Jeanette Winterson says, “Cheating is easy. There’s no swank to infidelity. To borrow against the trust someone has placed in you costs nothing at first. You get away with it. You take a little more and a little more until there is no more to draw on. Oddly, your hands should be full with all that taking but when you open them there’s nothing there.” If that’s where you are in your marriage, it’s only natural that you spend your time researching signs of infidelity in a woman so that you can call your wife out on her cheating. In case you haven’t made much headway yet but find yourself consumed with suspicion, we’re here to allay your concerns with a rundown on surefire signs your wife is cheating in consultation with communication and relationship coach Swaty Prakash, who has a decade-long experience in training individuals of varied age groups to deal with their emotional health through powerful techniques of communication and self-help.
Is My Wife Having An Affair?
As time passes, it is not uncommon for monotony to enter a couple’s dynamic, and if this monotony and the boredom stemming from it are ignored, you can find yourself treading the dangerous territory of complacency in the relationship. At this stage, spouses who vowed to love and cherish each other forever tend to become physically and emotionally distant from each other. Women, who crave an emotional intimacy a lot more than their male counterparts, may try to fill the void with something else or maybe someone else.
They may start seeking comfort in an emotional affair with someone who is emotionally available to them. This can sometimes lead to physical intimacy too. While it would be simplistic and inaccurate to claim that women cheat on their spouses only and only due to a lack of emotional connection in the relationship, this is one of the most common themes of infidelity among women. However, apart from this common reason, past traumas, insecure attachment style, tendencies of self-sabotage and low self-esteem could also drive a woman to cheat on her spouse.
Just like there is no single reason for cheating, there are more than a few signs of infidelity that begin to emerge in your marriage when your wife is betraying your trust. For instance, if your marriage has been going through a lull for a while, and on top of that, your wife seems to be emotionally withdrawn and unfazed by this monotony, this could be one of the early signs of a cheating wife.
Today, we have hundreds of apps at our fingertips, which can be used by a cheating husband or a cheating wife. It is difficult to understand whether your wife is cheating on you or not because the evidence can be eliminated with a click of a button or hidden with a password. She could be cheating on you digitally, emotionally or physically. Or through a mix of them all. And all you have at the moment is this niggling feeling – “I suspect my wife is cheating but I have no proof”.
Confronting her without evidence is a bad idea. It’s better to do some groundwork before accusing her of something she might not be guilty of. To be able to do that, you need to know what are the tell-tale signs of a cheating wife. Only then, you can call her out on her lies and betrayals without leaving any room for her to brush these aside as figments of your imagination.
18 Signs Of A Cheating Wife
You may have accidentally read some questionable texts, found irregularities in her phone bill, or seen her talking to someone because of which you’re now stuck with the “I think my wife is cheating on me” thought. Or maybe it is your gut feeling telling you to look for signs of an affair in your marriage. But the question is: how to spot signs of a cheating wife? What are the aberrations in her behavior that scream that she is cheating on you?
How can you be sure that any of the changes in her that have been bothering you aren’t due to some external factors such as stress at work, parenting pressure, or bodily changes like perimenopause? The ability to tie the changes in her behavior to psychological facts about cheating woman such as cheating can happen in a seemingly happy relationship, cheating isn’t always necessarily about sex or unmet emotional needs, or cheating can have a lot more to do with a person’s past issues than their current relationship can help you put the pieces of the jigsaw together.
If you look closely, you’ll find that there are many emotional as well as physical signs your wife is cheating that serve as definite warnings. Here are 18 such signs of a cheating wife to look out for to ascertain whether your suspicions hold any merit:
1. She starts acting distant
Something suddenly feels “off” about her. She is physically present but is always lost in her thoughts. You ask her if there’s something that’s bothering her but the answer is always no. However, you can tell something mysterious is underway. Her actions are peculiar and she might act shifty or fidgety. These can be signs of cheating guilt. You need to start worrying about why she’s turned cold and distant. If she does not engage in those conversations with you anymore and you feel a lack of communication, you can count it among the guaranteed signs of cheating. Women are typically the ones who crave and seek communication and emotional connection in a relationship. If your wife has stopped doing so, it could well be because her needs are being met elsewhere. This is among the signs of infidelity in a woman, which you’d be wise to not overlook. “A change in personality may not be one of the most obvious signs of a cheating wife but as her life partner, you would feel a certain shift in the way she behaves around you. For instance, she may look happier but that happiness has nothing to do with you. Or she may start looking for reasons to spend time away from you. You may even notice that your otherwise expressive and talkative wife has become secretive and distant. She is not interested in discussing her life outside the home with you. Although subtle, these are all signs of how to tell if your wife is cheating,” explains Swaty.
2. Her social life has become ‘too happening’
Hanging out often with friends isn’t a bad thing. But if she starts hanging out with her “friends” a lot more than usual and most of these plans seem to not involve you, then that’s something to think about. She could be a lying wife trying to use her friends as a cover for the new person in her life. A cheating wife is smart and might not use the same excuse every time. She is already a step ahead of you because she knows the way you think. Is it really a girl’s night out or a romantic rendezvous with her lover? You will have to find out discreetly. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck in the loop of “I suspect my wife is cheating but I have no proof”. Edward, for instance, was sure his wife was cheating on him when her social life suddenly became abuzz with activity. A typical homebody otherwise, she was now going out with this friend or that every weekend. So one night, he called up her friend, Tracy, feigning an emergency, and demanded to talk to his wife, claiming that he was unable to reach her on her cell. Tracy, of course, tried to cover up for her friend but Edward was unrelenting. Ultimately, Tracy had to concede that she had no idea where her friend was, and that’s how he uncovered the transgressions of his cheating wife.
3. Her phone is always busy
If there was a book titled, Cheating Wives Signs, we’re pretty sure there would be an entire chapter dedicated to this point. After all, in this digital era, your smartphone has become the easiest tool to facilitate cheating and online affairs are reshaping the idea of fidelity in marriage. If you’ve been at your wit’s ends trying to figure out how to spot signs of a cheating wife, pay attention to this. If it seems that no matter when you call, her phone is always busy, you have every reason to smell a rat. When you ask her who she’s speaking to, she will take a friend’s name. Was she always so involved with her friends? You don’t seem to think so. At times, she may even go into another room to talk when you are nearby. This could be one of the top signs of a cheating wife. Swaty agrees, and adds, “Another one of the obvious signs of a cheating wife is that she remains mostly busy on her phone and is extremely secretive about who she’s talking to. If you ask her a simple question like, “Who was it?”, she’d either shrug it off with a non-committal response like “Oh, just work”, or lash at you for not giving her any space in the relationship.” While it is acceptable for her to want to keep some conversations private, too many private conversations can also be one of the signs of an affair. Has she suddenly started keeping her phone upside down so that you cannot see her screen when it buzzes? Sounds fishy, doesn’t it? These are surefire signs your wife is cheating. If you have a strong reason to believe that all those phone conversations and hours of texting involve a secret lover, you may consider checking who she is talking to with the help of mSpy spy app.
4. She winces every time you are near her phone
Whenever her phone rings in front of you, she jumps up to take the call before you see who it is from. She has suddenly started setting passwords on her phone, which she never used to before. Not just her home screen but even individual apps, especially instant messaging apps like WhatsApp, are password protected. She acts jumpy when you are near her phone. If you ask her to lend you her phone even for five minutes, she will find some excuse to get out of it. If she does let you have it, she will be ready to snatch it away from you at any instant. This is one of the top signs of a cheating wife that you shouldn’t overlook. A person who is cheating is terrified to share their phones, even if it is for something as trivial as clicking a photograph. If you’re looking for physical signs your wife is cheating, pay attention to her body language when you are around her phone. If she guards it with her life and becomes too unsettled, make no mistake that it is one of the guaranteed signs of cheating.
5. Her web history is always erased
You see your wife spending most of her time on her phone or her computer, both modes which she uses for frequent communication. But when you check her web history, you find it as clean as a new sheet of paper. Totally blank! You check her computer out again, after a few days and still find everything erased. She wipes out all her activities and logs off from all the accounts and there is an air of deception around. The fact that she doesn’t want you to have an inkling of what she is doing online is a pointer your wife is sneaking behind your back. Why press the delete button when there is nothing to hide? This is one of the most evident signs of infidelity. If she is so thorough in covering her tracks, you too will need to figure out some smart ways to catch your cheating wife. That’s exactly what Tyler did when the thought of “I suspect my wife is cheating but I have no proof” got too overwhelming for him. He decided that there was nothing more important than his peace of mind, not even his marriage, and bought a spy software to uncover why his wife has suddenly become so committed to wiping her devices clean of any information about her online activities. He gained remote access to her phone and laptop and discovered that she had reconnected with her high school sweetheart and was having a full-blown affair with him.
6. You start having a lot of fights
Your wife starts nagging you for small and insignificant things. It is as if she’s looking for excuses to fight with you. It could be because she is just mad at you for something else or because she’s trying to justify the affair. You start picking the kind of fights that hint you’re falling out of love, or well at least she is. These fights could just be her way of telling herself that this marriage is not working out. This allows her to feel less guilty and justify her actions. A cheating wife will often find ways to justify her actions to herself in order to get over the cheater’s guilt that may be eating her up from the inside. Cheating is a legal and moral offense. There are very few reasons that can justify that. Swaty explains, “It is not uncommon for romantic partners to get to a stage in their relationship when they start finding faults with each other. “This is typically a gradual process that begins after the honeymoon period is over and then paves way for acceptance of each other’s shortcomings and quirks. But when there is a new someone in your spouse’s life, this stage of the relationship may make a comeback. Your spouse’s patience threshold decreases and you may find that she is always short with you. Even the things she found cute in the past irritate her to no end now,”
7. Your sex life has turned cold
If your wife is having a physical affair with someone else, she might not feel like being sexually involved with you. You don’t seem to turn her on anymore. All her sex drive is now inclined toward her new lover. You don’t play a role in her sex life anymore. If you have had an active sex life before the affair, you would notice that your wife now always seems to find reasons to avoid intimacy. You both have literally turned into a platonic married couple. This is a physical sign your wife is cheating on you. “A decreased level of physical intimacy can be one of the telling signs your wife has an affair going on on the side because her lack of interest in being intimate with you could be a result of a lack of attraction or total preoccupation with her affair partner. She might even be emotionally distant and disconnected from you on the rare occasion that you do have sex,” says Swaty.
8. She has made a ‘new friend’
Did she tell you about her ‘new friend’ Michelle whom you’ve never met? She loves talking about her and going out with her. It seems that the two of them have become pretty close in a short span. The name comes up in conversations often, especially when she needs to go out. But you have not been introduced to this new friend around whom your wife’s world seems to revolve of late. Ever wondered why you haven’t met this ‘new friend’? Could this new friend really be a Michael instead of a Michelle? Or a case of a woman being attracted to another woman? To be sure whether her proximity to someone new qualifies as one of the signs your wife has an affair, suggest inviting the said friend over for dinner or meeting her for drinks over the weekend. If your wife responds with a hard no, it is an absolute sign that your wife is cheating on you. Watch out for how long she is on the phone with Michelle and you will know.
9. She doesn’t look too happy
One of the surefire signs your wife is cheating is that you don’t make her happy anymore. You give her surprises and bring her presents but it doesn’t seem to light her up. She is always lost in her own thoughts and she doesn’t want to share things with you anymore. You barely ever seem to have a conversation with her. Her friends seem to think she’s fine around them. Her dynamic has only changed with you. If this gets to you too much, be upfront and ask her. Tell her you’ve been noticing signs of infidelity that you’re concerned about. A cheating wife will probably come clean if asked upfront because of sheer guilt. Improving communication in the relationship may not just help you uncover infidelity but also deal with the situation better. “The way we communicate conveys a lot about our feelings and state of mind. When a partner cheats on the other, communication is the first victim. There will be a sudden decrease in the quality time you spend together, laying your hearts bare to each other or even discussing the boring mundane details of your day with enthusiasm. A cheating wife would like to keep to herself and would also be emotionally uninvolved when you are trying to communicate with her,” explains Swaty.
10. Her car mileage doesn’t match her stories
Robert thought the paranoia over cheating wife suspicions was driving him crazy when he started keeping tabs on her car mileage. “I think my wife is cheating on me and that suspicion has made me do things I never imagined I was capable of,” he rued, sharing his dilemma with a friend over drinks. Ironically, it was this attention to detail that made her carefully spun web of lies fall flat. If you too are losing sleep over what are the tell-tale signs of a cheating wife, it may be time to turn a keen eye on the seemingly inconsequential things like her car mileage. She tells you that she is going to meet a friend or is going grocery shopping. You check her car mileage only to see that it has gone much further than the corner shop. When you enquire about it, she might brush it off or make excuses about how she had to go to another store and got caught up there. But do you really buy that story? She could also retort and say you are being an insecure husband and lash out at you for keeping tabs on her. Yes, there is a risk that confronting her about this could lead to an ugly fight. But, at least, it will give you something to go on.
11. She has started dressing up a lot
Post the honeymoon phase, both partners tend to pay less attention to their appearances. You’re both comfortable around each other and don’t feel the need to look your best all the time. Perks of unconditional love! However, if all of a sudden, you find your wife dressing up a lot more the way she would on your initial dates, she’s dressing to impress. That could be one of the early signs of a cheating wife. We all like to dress up during the initial stages of a relationship. If she dresses like that and always seems to be going out with her “friends”, you already know there’s something more going on there. Swaty says, “Appearances are important for us humans. This need to look our best becomes a primary focus when we’re in a romantic relationship, especially during those early days. If you’ve ever paid attention to the body language signs of attraction, you’d have noticed that our pupils dilate or we play with hair when around someone we like. “This is a reflection of the fact that even our subconscious works on making us look prettier to impress a potential or existing romantic interest. That’s why a sudden attention to looks could be among the top signs of a cheating wife. Now investing in self-care and trying to look one’s best alone isn’t necessarily a sign of cheating but if there are other clues in place, then it’s definitely worth paying attention to. Even more so if your wife is putting in extra effort into her looks but doesn’t really bother about your feedback. It obviously means that all this effort is for someone else’s benefit.
12. Her shopping sprees have increased
How to spot signs of a cheating wife? The devil may be in the financial details. So, if you’re stuck in the “I suspect my wife is cheating but I have no proof” phase, it may be a good idea to go over her financial records with a fine-tooth comb. You may find a huge jump in the credit card bills of a cheating wife. Or you may notice that she’s been buying all sorts of new outfits and even new lingerie that’s never been worn in front of you. The price tags are cut, but you have never seen her wearing it. It’s simple. The new lingerie wasn’t meant for you to begin with. If you ask her about those lingerie pieces, she might tell you she finds it uncomfortable or she might get angry at you for being so inquisitive. But you will not get to see the pieces, that’s for sure. These are signs a wife is cheating on her husband.
13. She has many mood swings
One of the signs of a cheating wife is her many mood swings. There are days when she seems happy and pays attention to you, both emotionally and sexually. And then there are days when she snaps at you for no reason. You might think that the issues in your marriage are causing her behavior. Yes, your marriage has problems for sure, but these mood swings can be because of the ups and downs of her new relationship. Her giving you extra love and attention at times can be her guilt talking and her way of making it up to you. But later, her affair takes over her thoughts and emotions.
14. There is something different about her scent
When two people are married for some time, they identify each other’s scent. But lately, you always find your wife ‘clean’ or recently showered when you come home. She bathes so that you don’t sniff the scent of her new lover on her. But even so, on smelling her you will find that she smells a bit different than before. This is a surefire sign your wife is cheating on you. Sometimes when she comes home late from work, she may even sprinkle extra perfume on herself to hide another person’s scent. These physical signs your wife is cheating can be hard to catch if she tends to distance herself from you, especially when she comes home after a rendezvous with her lover. Find a window of opportunity to sniff her while she’s in your embrace or take a whiff of her clothes lying in the laundry. If she’s actually cheating on you, this ought to confirm your suspicions.
15. She has developed new habits
When two people are in a relationship, they start acquiring each other’s habits and tastes. Does your wife have new tastes that you never noticed before too? If your wife is dating a smoker or someone who loves their whiskey, then there are chances that he will pass these habits on to her as well. Or if he has artistic tastes, then she could be suddenly visiting art galleries or taking interest in learning the piano. And if it’s an older woman younger man relationship and the guy she is with is into biking and pop music, you may find her dancing to blaring music at home often. Is your alleged cheating wife transforming into someone you don’t recognize anymore?
16. She avoids eye contact with you
This is among the hard-to-miss physical signs your wife is cheating. Your cheating wife may try to avoid making eye contact while talking to you. Her guilt reflects in her eyes and she’s afraid of you seeing it. Try looking into her eyes while talking to her. Do you see the guilt in her eyes? Does she look away?
She tries to keep dinner table conversation with you minimal and is evasive in her responses. In bed, she turns her back to you and sleeps after saying good night. By the time you wake up the next morning, she is already in the shower. So there’s never any eye contact. This distant behavior is one of the classic signs of infidelity in a woman.
One of the most accurate but less obvious signs of a cheating wife is that she begins to shy away from eye contact. Her body language around you would not be as open as it used to be earlier. Questions like “How was your day?” or “When would you be home?” are met with curt, indecisive, and non-committal, and she never looks you in the eye when responding. It is especially a red flag if her replies used to be detailed and clear before but have changed recently.”
17. There are too many work emergencies
Was your wife always a workaholic or is this newfound work pressure something new? The number of work emergencies will increase on her if she is cheating on you. After all, work is the best cover she has for her dalliance. Her sudden and unprecedented preoccupation with work could especially be one of the signs your wife is cheating at work. For instance, if she has been working late night after night recently or leaves the house for a “work thing” without sharing any details with you or telling you when she’d be back, she’s possibly having an affair with a coworker. She could also be using work as a pretext to meet her new lover. Have you ever considered visiting her in her office to see what that work thing is? When she leaves on a work emergency, tell her you will pick her up from her office and see her reaction.
18. Your gut is telling you so
After so many years of being married to your partner, somewhere deep down you know that your relationship has changed. You might think that you’re being an overly jealous and suspicious husband. But deep down you know you’re not being irrational. “I think my wife is cheating on me” – the thought keeps playing on your mind on a loop. Your gut tells you something bigger is at play. You know you’re with a cheating wife because even if you don’t, your gut picks up on signs of infidelity. You subconsciously, just know. These signs of a cheating wife will put you in a predicament you don’t want to find yourself in. Your marriage is in danger and you don’t know whether you want to save it anymore. But keep in mind that not all marriages that involve infidelity have to end up doomed. The key to a long and happy marriage is forgiveness. Your partner could have had a moment of weakness and may have learned her lesson. The fact that your partner indulges in cheating could say a lot about the other issues of your relationship. In such a case, couples counseling is an affordable way to save your marriage. If you’re looking for help, skilled and licensed therapists on Bonobology’s panel are here for you. Think about how it would have been if you were the one cheating. How would she have reacted? In the end, it is up to you to make or break the marriage. If your partner cheats multiple times, forgiving them is not advisable. However, if you think that this was simply “a moment of weakness” and your cheating wife is truly sorry, consider forgiving her. After all, you still love her.
