When you are dating you ask questions to know your boyfriend better and there are questions you can ask to find out how romantic your girlfriend is. But when you are planning to get married, you need to ask some good marriage questions to understand your compatibility.
Many married couples get divorced over issues like having children and managing finances. This happens because they haven’t had the right conversations to ascertain whether their life goals and values align. If you do not want to have children or lean in favor of adoption, consider it a top priority to discuss before marriage. Who’s going to be a stay-home mom or dad after the baby comes? Of course, there is the conflict of power-play when the female counterpart in the marriage earns much more than the male.
How will you manage finances without any ego clash? Trust me, these are the marriage-related questions that you should clarify before you get into wedding planning. And, no matter how embarrassing it gets, you have to take your time with several sex questions to ask before marriage. Talk about your fantasies and your sexual expectations in a marriage. Five minutes of awkward conversation is way better than a lifetime of mediocre sex.
Every couple should ask each other questions about marriage and family to see if they are on the page to start a future together. The right questions to ask before marriage can be funny, thought-provoking, sexual, intimate, and romantic – anything and everything that helps you understand each other better is acceptable.
It would give you a complete idea of what kind of expectations you or your partner have from the marriage. Just in case, you need some help with jotting down the points that you need to hit, we got your back. Here’s a list of 25 great questions to ask before marriage that you should not gloss over for a secure and happy future.
What Questions Should You Ask Before Getting Married? Try These 25
“What’s your favorite color?” could be a most inane question to ask before marriage but, “Can you make an omelet?”, is a question the answer to which can prove a lot of things. For starters, the answer would say how much of life skills your to-be spouse has. You need to ask the right questions before marriage to know your future spouse better. I believe you are mature enough to not fall for the traditional gender roles. Both you and your fiance should tap on valid questions to ask each other before marriage to check your partner’s intention and capability of taking domestic responsibilities. Especially if your families are involved in the match-making, you better not agree before clarifying a few questions related to an arranged marriage. Here are a few to consider: Do you fully consent to this marriage? How do you want to communicate in married life? What are your deal breakers? What are your parenting strategies? So, if you are mulling over, “What marriage-related questions should I visit?”, dive into our guide to sail through your upcoming married life smoothly. Trust me, you will thank us ten years from now when you see the benefits of transparency between two partners in marriage.
1. Are you 100% ready for this marriage?
Marriage means ticking a lot of boxes – financial security, a stable source of income, and of course, compatibility, respect and understanding. You cannot just take a long leap of faith blindly and agree to the proposal. As you make a checklist of questions to ask your SO before marriage, put a column for yourself as well. A man and woman have to feel equally stable in their lives to embark upon this new adventure of a lifetime. Everything does not magically ‘become’ okay. It’s essential to get your valid concerns out of the way and develop an understanding of what your life together will look like. For that, This is one of the first questions to ask before marriage.
2. Do you feel you are attached to me emotionally?
A couple must realize how open and vulnerable they are with each other emotionally before binding each other to the holy and legal bond of matrimony. Marriage means taking life as it comes, but together. There should be an open channel of emotional exchange to help you sail through your marital life. This is one of the thought-provoking questions one should ask before marriage. There are bound to be innumerable hiccups, misunderstandings and compromises when two people start living together. It is important that there is emotional transparency to minimize damage.
3. Do we have trust and friendship?
You might be the perfect couple on paper. Theoretically, you guys look like a match made in heaven. You both look amazing together. Your friends and family have created a fandom of you, and marriage seems like the obvious next step. Pause and retrace your relationship. Look at each other in the space of your relationship, away from social conjectures. Do you fulfill each other’s needs and expectations? Or do you keep falling short every time? Is there trust and friendship? Does something seem to be just a little off-key? Often, everything might look perfect under wraps, but when marriage unfolds, the lack of tuning will surely pose a threat. To be honest, marriage should feel like a safe retreat. You come home every night to each other’s tranquil shadow and open up about the ups and downs of a long day. So, can you unveil your 100% vulnerable self in front of your would-be? That’s a big question to ask a groom before marriage, or a bride, for that matter.
4. Are the families on the same page?
You both definitely are in love with each other and want to start living together because everything looks a little better when you are together. All is fine in the light air of heaven, except the families hate each other. Okay, maybe not as dramatic as hate, but it is a definite animosity that could not be taken care of in the many meetings that you arranged. Remember that marriage is a social institution, and with the families at loggerheads with each other, the matrimony card might work against you rather than in your favor. So, here come the questions regarding family and marriage – Do they have any issues with you being a working mother after marriage? Are the girl’s parents upset about her fiance’s personality or low-key job profile? Is it a religious conflict? Try to find a meeting ground for both parties or keep the marriage on hold till both of them realize that your happiness is greater than their prejudices.
5. Is there a power structure in the relationship?
This is one of the most important questions to ask before marriage. Do you have a power structure in your relationship where somebody is the definite dominant and the other a step lower? I do not mean your preferences in the bedroom. Before we get into the sex questions to ask before marriage, we need to set out stories straight about an individual’s roles in a marriage. Powerplay often comes from financial confidence. If one partner earns a lot more than the other, they can easily assume that the other person will always listen to them and fulfill all their expectations. On the other hand, if your partner is trying to support you financially during a period of struggle, look at it as a sign of love. There must be an equal amount of respect for each other as individual human beings and professionals. Any hierarchy is bound to bring about an ego clash and signs of disrespect as well. If you cannot put your finger on it, just sit down and have an open discussion. You will get the drift. You must realize the importance of observing equality in power games.
6. Do you feel sexually compatible?
It is very important to understand if synchronicity extends its wonders to the bedroom. Two personalities complementing each other might surprisingly be lukewarm together under the sheets. Let us face the fact that your sexual life will be bound to the person you exchange monogamous vows of marriage with. We cannot stress enough that you should factor your sexual needs into your decision to get married. There is a tendency to overlook sexual gratification and sexual compatibility in marriages and focus on financial and emotional security. But with time people realize that sexual compatibility is extremely important. This is the most important question to ask before marriage, so don’t let your inhibitions stop you from bringing it up. The partners should discuss if they ever had to endure any sexually traumatic experience. It will help you immensely to be sensitive about any action that might trigger your loved one in bed. Be sure to handle this conversation very delicately so you don’t start off on the wrong foot.
7. Are you ready to handle marital responsibilities?
Are you ready to take the moral, financial, and emotional responsibilities of a spouse and family? While talking about questions to ask each other before marriage, you simply cannot skip this one. These responsibilities fall upon both the man and the woman who are about to get into wedlock. Marriage itself is a huge responsibility; a truckload of lists, bills, post-its, errands, festivals, functions, emergencies, crises, and regular routine days. The moment you are married, the societal expectations from you shoot up. You have to maintain a respectful social life, attend events that you may have avoided as a single person, and pay heed to the opinions of every member of both families. You and your partner must truly ponder your life skills and understand if you are equipped to take up this responsibility.
8. What are our financial goals?
This is actually the most important question to ask before marriage because financial issues do ruin relationships. It is regarded as the third most frequent reason for divorce after infidelity and incompatibility. A person needs to know the answer to this question because they have to see if their financial goals are aligned with that of their future spouse. Understanding this answer is vital in planning a future together and can help you decide on how you will share expenses, split bills and decide on investments. Mark this, financial questions related to arranged marriage can sometimes throw up a deal-breaker. In such situations, signing a prenuptial agreement would be a wise decision unless you are absolutely sure.
9. Do you have debts?
People usually discuss how they will plan mutual finances in the future but a discussion on debts is conveniently left out. Post marriage many people find they are still grappling with student loans or credit card debts that throw their finances out of gear. It is very important for both partners to check if the other one has any debts, and if there are, how do they plan to handle them? A massive credit card debt could be an obstacle when you will apply for a house loan or children’s educational fund. If you don’t want to let the financial burdens of the past hamper your happy future, add this to your list of questions to ask a groom before marriage or things to discuss with your bride-to-be. As a matter of fact, such questions should be asked mutually and not posed to one person only. The ideal situation is to tie a debt-free knot but if that is not possible you should work on a timeline together when the debt will be paid back. You need to check if you are expected to chip in as well.
10. What kind of space do you want?
You very well could want to continue going clubbing with the buddies every Saturday after the marriage. Whereas your spouse might expect you to chuck your old lifestyle and take them out to the movies or on a dinner date. As small as it may sound now, it could lead to future skirmishes. You also need to discuss how much “us” and “me” would be right for you as a couple. This will help prevent situations where one partner is off on their annual holiday with their friends and the other is left home, sulking. Space is not an ominous sign in a relationship. It is healthy to take some time alone to nurture your own thoughts and focus on your individual passion and dreams. But you should clear out the nature of it from the very first day so that the other person doesn’t feel insecure.
11. How should we resolve conflict?
This is a vital question to ask before marriage because conflict is inevitable if you are living under the same roof. No two people are similar, so conflict is a given. But the most important part is how a couple resolves a conflict. One could believe in the benefits of silent treatment and the other could want communication. One might have a temper and the other might withdraw into a shell. How you come to the same table and resolve the issues is something that you need to discuss pre-marriage.
12. What are your views on children?
This is definitely one of the good marriage questions. You might want to be child-free, travel and explore your career opportunities. On the contrary, your partner may want to raise a child with you. It is very important to have that discussion and find out if you have the same feeling about children. Fertility issues are also not uncommon these days. That’s why it’s wise to discuss whether you will seek medical intervention or you want to leave things as it is and be completely happy in each other’s company? How do you both feel about adoption? If you have children will child-rearing be a shared activity or will one partner be expected to put in more, even leave their job or you could both share duties equally? These are some of the questions to ask your boyfriend before marriage or your girlfriend before you consider tying the know. You don’t want to be involved in a serious relationship without defining a serious life choice like this one.
13. What are the legal things we should know before getting married?
This is also very important before marriage question. In fact, you can consult a lawyer about this. If you own any individual properties or have just gotten divorced, then it’s best to have your legal bases covered before you enter into a new marital equation. You could opt for a prenuptial agreement regarding joint assets and future finances. That could save you a lot of hassle in case you decide to part ways in the future. Also, if the bride is not changing her name, what is the legal perspective on it? These are serious questions that you should ask before marriage you shouldn’t let slide.
14. Will we move into a joint family or set up a separate home?
This pre-marriage question is vital in the Indian scenario where the joint family system still exists. Independent, career-oriented women often have anxiety about moving into a joint family because they feel their freedom would be curtailed. In that case, the to-be-spouses should discuss if moving out is an option and you may decide to marry only after you have a separate home. Some people might not have any qualms about living in a joint family. In that case, you need to discuss how you will function within a joint family so that no future issues build up around it.
15. How will we look after aging parents?
This is another very important question to ask before marriage because adult children are expected to support their aging parents, financially, logistically and emotionally. As women have become financially independent, they are also taking on the responsibility of their parents in old age. So a couple in their 40s could typically find themselves supporting two sets of parents. Sometimes issues arise when women want to support their parents and even want to live with them to care for them in their old age. Have a clear talk before your marriage about how you want to handle this in the future.
16. To what extent do you expect me to be involved with your extended family?
Are you expected to attend every single family function and entertain relatives on the weekends? Some families are so tight-knit that it is a given that cousins would constantly mingle and their kids would have regular sleepovers. If you think that you would want to keep your relationship with your partner’s extended family cordial without being too involved, then make it clear from the very beginning. This family involvement and interference can become a bone of contention in marriage later in life.
17. Does anyone in your family have alcoholism, mental health issues or any genetic diseases or disorders?
This is one of the most important questions to ask before marriage but couples usually avoid getting into this for the fear of hurting each other. Knowledge is power, right? Knowing about this will help you to safeguard your future progeny. You are entitled to have every information about any genetic illness or disorder running in your would-be’s family to ensure you will not put your child through a fatal condition or life-long sickness. Also having an alcoholic mother or father leaves a deep impact on a person’s life. If your partner has had an alcoholic parent, then there are certain things from the past, like the impact of toxic parenting, they would carry with them and you would have to handle the relationship accordingly.
18. How open are you to a job switch or relocation?
If you are ambitious and want to pull all stops to meet your goals and aspirations, it’s important to know if your prospective life partner is on board with it. Some people hate moving out of their comfort zones and relocating and others love to live out of their suitcases. If you and your partner are on such opposite ends of the spectrum, you will have to find a middle ground to make your marriage work. That’s only possible when you talk to each other about it. That’s why this is one of the most important factors to look into before marriage. Because the inability to come to a compromise on this can lead to issues in marriage later.
19. What situations would lead you to opt for a divorce?
If you ask this question before your marriage, then you will know exactly what might spell doom for your marriage. Most would say it’s infidelity but things such as lies and fraud can also be relationship deal-breakers for some. Some people could tell you it’s family interference that they would not tolerate and others could say financial issues. It helps to put all the valid concerns on the table and move ahead only if they seem fairly acceptable to both partners.
20. How much do you want to know about my past?
It is normal to have curiosity about a partner’s past. But how much you want to know is the real thing. If your partner wants to know about your entire sexual history before getting married, would you view it as an intrusion into your personal space? Would you prefer to share just the basic details of your past relationships?
It is pertinent for you to get any and all discussions about each other’s exes out of the way before. You don’t want the shadow of a guy or girl you slept with five years ago to loom over your marriage or decide its course. Along with other marriage-related questions, check the level of inquisitiveness of your spouse regarding your past.
21. Does marriage scare you?
This might not seem like a great question to ask each other before marriage. But it will give you a direct insight into what your partner’s apprehensions about marriage are. You could have been dating for years but some people do feel edgy about sharing the same bed and bathroom for eternity. This question will help you find out what scares your SO about marriage and you could work on it together. I have a very dear friend who loves her boyfriend with all her heart. They even spend days at each other’s places. Whenever the question of living together or getting married comes up, she looks for an escape route. To her, marriage is like a trap from which she can’t run away. This is a serious question you need to ask your partner before marriage. Some people are commitment-phobes and feel scared of marriage. You need to address it then and there.
22. Are you open to sharing housework?
If sharing finances can become a bone of contention in marriage, so can sharing housework. With both spouses working full time, sharing house chores equally becomes a necessity. Also, a man needs to know before marriage how much he is expected to do around the house so that his wife does not start yelling at him the moment he gets back home from work. (Just joking!) Some men are lazy and hate to do housework and some are proactive and are always willing to share the load. You need to know how your partner feels about chores. To be honest, women are expected to take care of the house; it’s a default societal norm. Being a modern-day couple, you should try to break such stereotypes and work toward forging a true partnership of equals.
23. Is there anything about me that really puts you off?
You might not even know that you have this habit of giving a sideways glance when you spot a handsome guy and despite knowing this habit is harmless, your man could be hating it. There are similar bad social habits that can make you undatable when you are not even aware of them. In the same way, you could hate the way he can live for days in his smelly socks. Actually, there could be more than one thing about our partner that could put us off. It’s better to laugh about and discuss these things now than bicker about them throughout your married life. This is one of the funny questions to ask before marriage but this can have serious repercussions in the long run if you don’t.
24. How do you like to spend special days?
You could have grown up in a family where a birthday meant buying a box of chocolates and visiting the church or a temple. And your partner could belong to a family where every year, birthdays are all about surprise gifts, followed by a big party in the evening. Have a talk about how you would like to spend your special days like birthdays and anniversaries so that you do not disappoint each other in the future.
25. How do you plan to be on social media post-marriage?
Given that we live in a digital era where almost everyone has a happening virtual life, this is one of the most important questions to ask before marriage. If you’re social media savvy, you may want to share every significant moment of your life on these platforms. Needless to say, this includes your married life. But what if your partner shies away and is not comfortable with your personal stories being shared with the world? One person might feel that the other person is keeping their marital status under wraps and the other might feel that their partner is going overboard on Instagram. To avoid these social media mistakes and misunderstandings, it’s best to have a talk about how much you want to share on social media after marriage. Take inspiration from our list of these great questions to ask before marriage and address those niggling issues that you didn’t know how to broach. Most people usually get into wedlock believing that love would take care of the rest. But the reality isn’t like that and asking your fiancé or fiancée these important questions could give you an insight into what they feel about and expect from the marriage. After going through the questionnaire round, if you still see you both are perfectly compatible with each other, we wish you a happily ever after! Last but not least, if you are facing any difficulty solving the premarital stumbling block, Bonobology’s counseling panel is here for you. Seeking premarital counseling could help you greatly to iron out future misunderstandings and vouch for a long and satisfying married life.
