This person you just met makes you feel special and treats you like the most important person in their life. You are their top priority. Then one day they say they love you, and you believe them. Maybe you love them too. This new relationship makes you feel great, full of energy. You are so happy you finally found “the one.” It’s the first time you feel this strong connection with someone, and you never thought it was even possible. Your friends start asking what happened. They tell you that you seem so different. That you look younger and happier. You are the best version of yourself, inside and outside. They are always checking on you. They’re always there for you, whenever you need them. Everything feels so good. Then one day they start to seem withdrawn, out of the blue, so you ask them what’s wrong. They answer they’re fine, it’s all “in your mind.” But still, you feel they’re distant and can’t quite describe what’s going on.
How It Feels to Deal with a Narcissist
Another week goes by. They’re still aloof, different and their emotional distance is stronger. You bring it up again and ask if you did something wrong. You feel something is off between the two of you. They get nervous and tell you to just stop whining and bothering them with things that don’t even exist. You are being “too sensitive.” Then they start to flake on you, at the last minute. The first time they tell you they have a bad cold. Then they have to help their brother with a job application.
You start wondering what’s happening
Once, they made plans with you and always followed through, now, they never do. They always have a good excuse. It hurts. Watching the person you love suddenly losing interest hurts a lot. But it’s not just a loss of interest. They withhold affection. They don’t talk to you for days because you dared to ask what was wrong. You dared to communicate – which is actually what you’re supposed to do if you want a relationship to work. But they didn’t like that, so they now punish you with the silent treatment. Then, one day they say they can’t stand you anymore because, again, you are “too sensitive.” One afternoon you call them, but they turned off the phone. So, you send them a WhatsApp. You see only one checkmark. You keep checking every 30 seconds, and the second checkmark never appears. They disappeared. For hours. The person who was always checking on you, who was always there for you, now has a new habit: disappearing and withholding affection. He’s not there for you anymore.
Miserable. You feel miserable.
You start thinking they found someone better. Their new “partner” is probably more beautiful, more confident, and not so “sensitive” as they described you. Your self-confidence disappears and you start wondering what you might have done. You start thinking about all your flaws, that you’re not good enough and they don’t want you anymore. It must be your fault. Recommended read: Narcissistic Abuse: Why I’m Glad I’ve Been There
Here’s What You Should Keep in Mind
Hold on there. You are more than good enough, you are wonderful and unique. It’s not you, it’s them. You deserve love, and all they’re giving you is crumbles. Also, let me explain to you what you are not. You are not:
Unattractive;Too sensitive;Boring;Ugly;Clingy;Needy;Unlovable;Ridiculous.
They made you believe you are all those things. Like they made you believe they loved you. They hooked you with their promises, acting as if you were the most important person in their life. However, all they wanted was your attention. They wanted to create a bond to control you, and they successfully did it. They are a narcissist and you are their victim. However, if you want, you can become a survivor. That’s your choice. Recommended read: 4 Examples of Gaslighting — and How to Respond According to Experts
How to Deal with a Narcissist
You want to feel free from all the pain. Also, you want to find a way to heal and be happy again. You love them and hope one day they will again be the loving person you met. It’s impossible to stop thinking about the good times, the honeymoon phase. You keep thinking about them, the person you fell in love with. But that person doesn’t exist. They never existed. You were in a relationship with a narcissist who was pretending to love you. All they wanted was to hook and control you. Realizing all this can be traumatic, I know. I have been there. You can heal, though. And to heal you have to learn how to deal with a narcissist. The healing journey can be long, but it’s worth it, and it’s the only way to be happy again. The best way to deal with a narcissist is to leave the relationship immediately. You have to go no contact, block, and ignore them completely. Don’t give them access to you. It’s the worst thing you can do to a narcissist and the best thing you can fo for yourself.
Why you should do this
You have to do all this for yourself, not to hurt them. You have to do it to protect yourself from further abuse, not to get revenge. When you take care of yourself and make yourself a priority, you will start to heal, which is the most important thing. They won’t have control over you anymore. Actually, no one will, because now you are stronger. Now you know how to deal with a narcissist. In fact, one day you will be glad you had to deal with a narcissist and were in a relationship with them because it made you grow. Also, keep in mind that losing the sense of control they once had over you might drive the narcissist crazy. For this reason, they will try to hoover you – that is, to suck you back into the cycle of abuse. So be prepared. This is what almost every narcissist does. They will try to make you believe it was all a misunderstanding, and they will offer you the same type of love they gave you at the beginning of the relationship. If you give in, the abuse will start again. Don’t let them in, not this time. Life is too short to be in a toxic relationship with a narcissist. Life is too short to even have to deal with a narcissist. Make yourself your number one priority. Love yourself. Get access to exclusive self-improvement and relationships content, subscribe to my free newsletter here. Follow me on Instagram!
