Dear Married Man, Coming to a therapist says nothing about you except that you’re a human being and everyone has their good or bad days. This has nothing to do with personal strength or weakness, despite popular myth. In fact you’re doing the right thing by seeking help. First things first, it is okay to get emotionally attracted to someone because you’re a human being who demands rather needs emotional support and connection. This does not mean what your doing is right or wrong. That is for you to judge. But before that, you need to ask yourself certain questions. For these 10 minutes while you read this forget about the other girl. Alright? Think about what you want and what you are okay with. Answer these for yourself. A. Where is my relationship with my wife going? Where do I see myself five years hence with my wife? B. Am I ready to work on my marriage with my wife and bring the spark back? C. Maybe my wife and I need to learn to be better partners and communicate healthily? D. Can I commit to helping my marriage and giving it my all before delving into thinking about another woman? Now answer these. Let’s call your girlfriend ‘K’. A. How are K’s marital problems mine? B. If not me, can she not have taken the same support from anyone else who was ready to give her the support? C. What do I want from K? D. Where do I see myself in five years with K? E. Do I even see a future with K? F. What do I really want to do? Be with my wife or be with K? Lastly, even if your wife was not hot tempered, she will most likely not appreciate her husband having an affair. So it is up to you to decide whether you want to tell her or not. No one knows your relationship better than you. Hope this help. Feel free to get in touch again. Dr. Snigdha
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