Like where are the good old days of walking up to the girl in college and asking her out for a Tom Cruise movie? Everything is done behind the filtered facades of social apps now. Millennial problems are not different from other generations, they just look different. Life has changed in the last two-three decades because of the advent of technology, dating apps and new-age relationships are also facing new challenges. How do millennials view relationships? We tell you.
What Are The Problems Of Millennials?
With dating apps and the social media frenzy, millennial problems are obviously a little twisted. New-age relationships are all around town. Problems of millennials could range from quarter-life crisis, issues related to technology. We decode 6 problems of millennials and tell you how to tackle those.
1. Social media taking over
Jealousy over social media actions, phubbing, and ghosting comes easily with this generation. Social media is so gripping that relationships are often compromised for it. Before smartphones, while on dates, people would engage in conversations rather than gluing their eyes on their cell-phone screens. Online stalking is common. Even before you meet up with your blind date, you know their friend’s cousin’s daughter’s BFF’s names because you looked them up on social media. In relationships, too much social activity has been known to arouse suspicion, jealousy and anxiety. And because this generation does not have time for communication, relationships often fall victim to the dirty blade of internet. Sometimes people become too active on social media and end up making social media mistakes that cost them their relationships. In trying to live up to this fake reference of a virtual world we isolate ourselves from real relationships. Technology has brought to the fore issues like texting anxiety and double texting and people are even breaking up over text, not allowing the relationship to reach a closure. The changed dating dynamics has added to the relationship problems of millennials. Solution: The solution sounds simple but is terrifyingly hard to do these days. Make sure, you draw out a clear differentiation between your online life and your real life. Do not let one exist in the place of the other. These days both are equally important but the distinction between the two is just as necessary.
2. Communication lost
You might think in the era of IM and DMs, people would be more inclined to instantly communicate. The reality could not be further away from the truth. Words are getting abbreviated every day and dating lives are perpetrated by FOMO or YOLO. Most of the important conversations are carried out through abbreviated syllables and emojis and calling one another is a thing of the past. “OMG, can we Netflix and chill?” seems more logical than, “Can we talk about what’s going on between us?” The problems of millennials are caught in this communication limbo as they push away love without even realizing that they are doing it. It is inevitable that texting could lead to more misunderstandings than face-to-face conversations. On a date no one can imagine keeping the phone away and talking endlessly, without the punctuation of the pings. Solution: Have enough confidence to address relationship problems in a way that is constructive and helpful. Do not let technology and emojis do all the work for you. These things are meant to enhance your life not replace your core values. If something needs to be talked about, have the courage to do it in person. It will go down much better, trust us.
3. Different goals
Just because two people matched on Tinder, does not mean they are compatible with each other. Most millennials do not want marriage, many don’t want children and others want to be like Barney Stinson. What are millennials afraid of? They are scared of losing their individuality, goals and ambition because of a relationship. Though dating apps might kick-start a relationship, in a millennial long-term relationship, the difference in goals often cause problems in a relationship. This can also lead to many relationship arguments. The problems of millennials are conflicts arising when one person in a relationship wants a serious relationship leading somewhere, while the other takes it as coolly as possible. Two people remain individuals in a relationship and even if they decide to get married they cannot become “us” from “I”. Solution: While sacrificing yourself and your ambitions is a hard thing to do these days, compromise is an important thing that we can all learn. When you love someone, you have to let go of some other things or habits that may not suit your relationship. It is all about making the right choice and finding someone worth shedding those habits for. Don’t lose yourself in the process but if you want to make room for a new person in your life, you will have to make some space for them.
4. Sex is so easy to find and romance difficult to hold on to
With movies like Fifty Shades of Grey and porn, managing sexpectations in the minds of the millennials is important. We are all growing up thinking everyone is as good as Johnny Sims or Mia Malkova in bed. In reality, there is no Red Room with BDSM equipment and not every woman wants to be dominated. Neither are men rich AF as Christian Grey. Growing up with too much pop fiction in our brains, we find sex is easy to get and our expectations from it is massive. Casual sex is what people want to find gratification in and they do not want to go into a steady relationship that would mean real intimacy, romance and companionship. When seeking pleasure for the soul, richness of a relationship is lost in sex with no romance. And even if we do have place for love in our relationship, the sexpectations from our partners sear through the roof and often fall short. Solution: Since none of us have time for other things, casual sex is easy to work with. However, there will be a point where you will get tired and hopefully yearn for more. Even if you are indulging in hookups, be respectful of the other person and at least try to get to know them. Having a decent friendship does not hurt. Do not shed away your basic human tendencies of socialization.
5. Cheating becomes so easy
Internet infidelity is common in this era. With anonymity and online stalking at our fingertips, it is easy to emotionally or physically cheat on one’s partner and never get caught. Innocuous flirting through texts to old college pals or office colleagues can develop into a full-blown affair on WhatsApp. Thanks to technology even before you realize you could land up in an emotional affair and this could effect your relationship. One of the major relationship problems of millennials in the face of technology is like cheating is a given and it is taken for granted that it will happen sometime or the other in the relationship. Millennials survive betrayal in a relationship and rebuild trust in a relationship often. Solution: Know where to draw the line. Do not be an inadequate partner to someone and do not let somebody treat you that way. We are sure you will find someone who knows how to love and respect you. Do not settle or forgive too easily.
6. Having to be super “chilled”
In a millennial relationship, outbursts are a big no-no. Of course, being calm in a relationship is advisable at times, but millennials take it up a notch with the idea of being too cool all the time. Expressing emotions is not very “cool” and unless you have the emotional range of a teaspoon, your dating lifespan will end before it even begins. Millennials relationship would resort to ghosting than actually breaking up with a person and handling emotions. This is one of the major problems of millennials because they would indulge in things like benching dating and caspering but they wouldn’t tell the person upfront what they really feel about the relationship and they do not want to handle fights and deal with a break up in the right way. Solution: Remember that all emotions are valid. This applies to you and to the person you are dating. Do not dismiss someone or ask them to calm down. With so much depression and anxiety on the rise, the least we can do is be sensitive to one another.
How Do You Fix Millennials’ Problems?
This is a million dollar question to which there is no surefire answer. But when we ask the question how do millenials view relationships, we have the answer in the six points we mentioned above. Psychotherapist Aman Bhonsle talks about the problems millennials mostly bring up in therapy and says how they can deal with the situation. He says, “People often want to ‘exact’ from a relationship without ‘offering up’ anything to it. This brings us to one of the most cliched topics that often get discussed during debates on the millennial issues. Entitlement. “The desire for more without putting in the work. How do we get a couple to see their own contribution to their relationship problems? The process is tricky with a population that’s getting so picky. Work is needed. Vulnerability isn’t a hoax and there is definitely some value to slowing down on the super-highway of information. Talking isn’t the same as texting. Snooping isn’t the same as looking into the face of a person. We are human beings with flaws and bad habits. The only way forward in a relationship is by being committed to your personal growth – whether you’re a millennial or not.” He asks millennials to look out for the relationship red flags before committing to ever after. He also says that it is possible to call off an engagement if you feel the marriage will not work. But to fix problems of millennials in their relationships they have to prioritise their partners and work on real-life feelings and romance instead of depending too much on technology.
