These feelings that can engulf someone before a wedding are called “pre-bridal blues” more commonly known as “cold-feet.” Don’t let the modest name fool you, though. A severe case of the jitters can end up completely taking over you, leaving you incapable of walking down that aisle. Since you wouldn’t want your special day to be marred by what’s going on in your mind, let’s take a look at the causes of pre-wedding anxiety and how you can deal with pre-wedding depression.
What Do “Bridal Blues” Actually Mean?
The western tradition of giving something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue, to a future bride for good luck and happiness has nothing to do with the bridal blues we are discussing. Rather, it is quite the opposite. When an engaged girl goes through a series of negative emotions such as anxiety, depression and inexplicable sadness immediately after her engagement, it means that she is getting the “bridal blues”. This feeling is indecipherable to the girl herself and to her near and dear ones. The reasons for this melancholy feeling vary with the background of the bride. No matter how lame or how serious the reasons are, the crux of the matter is that these “bridal blues” do exist.
Pre-Wedding Anxiety – 5 Fears That Every Bride-To-Be Has
Whether yours is a long-term relationship or you’ve been together for just a year, there comes a time when you get a bit dubious about the whole idea of getting married. From added responsibilities to managing work-family balances, marriage brings with it a plethora of changes. And add to that the stress of looking your best on the D-Day, it could be enough to send anyone into panic mode. I asked a few of my friends about what they were most skeptical about before their wedding. These are some of the top fears confessed by engaged women.
1. “Am I doing the right thing?”
Eight out of 10 engaged girls said that they started doubting their decision as soon as the congratulatory messages started pouring in. Questions like, “Are you really getting married?”, “You are marrying him?” or “Are you sure about this?” asked by friends and family can really raise your anxiety levels. Finally, these questions get to you and doubts start turning into fear, and ultimately, sadness infiltrates your mind.
2. Anything could go wrong at the wedding ceremony
As Monica from F.R.I.E.N.D.S once said, “I’ve been planning this since I was 12”. That’s how important this day is to most brides. This is where the wedding planners step in. While the wedding planners can handle the execution part of it, most of the choices to be made still depend on the couple’s decisions. Hence, a slight deviation from the whole plan can wreak havoc in the mind of the bride-to-be. To the extent that depression seeps in.
3. The bridal look anxiety
Television shows on bridal couture these days make you feel so conscious about your appearance, making you believe that unless you have that professional makeover, you can never look your best. It takes a great amount of assurance from your near ones to feel satisfied with your looks, even after you have gone through the whole process. From your waistline to your hair, teeth and complexion, everything starts making you jittery about your look in the wedding album. It’s no surprise that body image issues can lead to depression before the wedding.
4. The anxiety over marriage
As soon as you are engaged, you have two kinds of well-wishers, those who will give you the picture of a happily-ever-after (the size of this group will be negligible), and the others who will have loads of marital advice for you. Most of this advice will continue pouring in way past your bachelorette party. Thus, unintentionally, you start getting anxiety over the whole idea of marriage, which will make you perturbed. You start doubting whether your partner and your are perfect marriage material.
5. The fear of post wedding adaptation
Irrespective of how long the couple has known each other, the whole social dynamic changes after marriage. “Is my husband’s family going to accept me?” This is when she starts analyzing things she needs to change, things she is willing to change, and things that she will never change. No matter which part of the world she hails from, this analysis and the fear of change is always scary for a bride. Even if you have good relations with your in-laws, there’s still always a little anxiety about how you’re going to get along with everyone.
8 Ways To Fight The Depression Before Wedding
Though the pre-wedding blues may seem like they’re going to leave you incapable of getting anything done, most of the bridal worries can be put away with practical solutions. Usually, that’s the job of the bridesmaid, if you are lucky enough to find an efficient one. Or else the bride has to handle the situation herself before it gets out of control. If you currently find yourself trying to deal with the bridal blues, tell yourself you’re strong enough to get through this, and keep reading to find out how you should.
1. Breathe and try to calm yourself
Given the nature of the thoughts going through your mind right now, this advice to deal with pre-wedding depression may seem like useless information. Don’t be too quick to judge, try out a few breathing exercises and try to calm yourself. You have to learn to lighten up. Do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if it means eating your favorite ice-cream. Your happy cheerful face will definitely divert attention from your waistline, if that’s what you are worried about. Only when you are calm, you can think logically and resolve any issue.
2. Accept that you’re going through a case of pre-wedding depression or anxiety
Unless you come face-to-face with your thoughts and accept that you’re going through a severe case of pre-wedding depression, you’re going to try and run away from your mental health issues. Though you shouldn’t self-diagnose yourself with words like “anxiety” or “depression,” accept the fact that you’re having uncomfortable thoughts and you’re worried about the whole thing. The quicker you come to the realization that you need help and that you need to do something about this, the sooner you’ll be able to do something about what you’re going through.
3. Write down pros and cons
If you ever doubt your decision to get married, just jot down all the points that are worrying you. Then see how many are solvable and what your options are. If you are honest with yourself, nothing can stop you from making the right decision. Plus, once you start to put everything down on paper, you’ll realize that a lot of the things you are worried about are all things you cannot control. Almost everyone who has pre-wedding anxiety is often worried about things they cannot control the outcome to, so is worrying about them really worth it?
4. Remind yourself why you are getting married
“Am I doing the right thing?”, “Is my partner the one for me?” are all thoughts that are bound to go through your mind before the wedding day. When these troubling thoughts come your way, it’s important to remind yourself why you decided to do this in the first place. Every time you start getting jittery over your appearance or any other issue regarding the wedding, just breathe and remember that your partner is eager to marry you, for being you. Unless there is a natural calamity, nothing can ruin the day for you.
5. Nothing can be perfect, and that’s okay
Does it seem like everything is falling apart? As though nothing is going the way you thought it would? And that every minor inconvenience completely changes the reality of how you thought things would go? Calm down, it happens to everyone. All the rituals and ceremonies will end soon and life will be normal again, so stop stressing. Accept that life is never a bed of roses for anyone. There will be highs and lows, but very soon you will have your soul-mate to share these moments with.
6. Try to be optimistic
Yes, life will change post marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad. Gone are those days when the in-laws were as cruel as the daily soaps suggest. For all you know, life could be pure bliss and you may actually have a fairy-tale happily-ever-after. If all you’re doing is involuntarily stressing about scenarios that will ruin your wedding day, try to focus on the things you know will go well. Your soon-to-be husband will light up the minute he sees you. All your friends and family will be extremely happy for you, and the whole day will be a celebration of your love. Don’t focus on the last-minute floral arrangement changes that you hate, look towards the things you know will go well.
7. Don’t hide your pre-wedding blues from loved ones
Irrespective of all the scary advice you get from family and friends, remember that you will never be left alone. First of all, you will have a husband who will guide you through all the new changes around you. Then you have your immediate family as a support system too.
8. Seek professional help
Depression before your wedding can end up sending you to a dark place, one that you might be unable to come out from without the help of a professional. Even if that currently isn’t the case, speaking to a counselor will help you get to the bottom of why you’re feeling the way you are. If you’re currently going through what you suspect might be pre-wedding depression, Bonobology has a multitude of experienced counselors who’d love to help you get through this trying time. Do not neglect your bridal blues, but at the same time don’t let them steal your thunder. When you realize that what you’re going through isn’t temporary sadness or nervousness, don’t try to slip it under the rug. The sooner you get yourself in a better mindset, the more you’ll be able to enjoy your own wedding day.
