Because it is more interesting
Karan (42), an entrepreneur, and Kirti (35), a homemaker, have been in an open marriage for over 1 year. He confessed that he started cheating on his wife when he was travelling for his business. “For two years, she wasn’t aware I was having sex with other women. Then, one day, she found a condom pack in my suitcase and confronted me. I admitted my infidelity to her, but explained my sexual frustration and fantasies had nothing to break her heart, as I love her. In fact, I even gave her my consent to get intimate with other men if she wanted,” said Karan. Although it took some time, Kirti eventually came to terms with the arrangement. “Now we’re open to exploring together with other couples too, but our concern was safety and how to go about it.” They have two children, who are unaware of their open relationship.
Because he is gay
Another was married to a gay and struggling emotionally to accept the fact. Laxmi (25), married to Srinivas (28), an IT professional, called me for counselling. She felt cheated and angry. She admitted, “My husband is a good man and he is caring, attentive, intelligent, but sexually prefers men. How do I deal with such an emotional turmoil, as I love him for who he is? Even though we had an arranged marriage after a few months of engagement, I never suspected him to be gay. Though Srinivas has given me the liberty to choose another man or men for my sexual needs, I am yet not able to make such a choice.” Being conditioned in a conventional family belief system, this was a huge dilemma for her.
Because we aren’t compatible
“Our marriage has been a conflict since the beginning, but our children had kept us together. We weren’t compatible in bed either. It was tearing me and her. We then sat and discussed our issue with a friend couple one day who were already swinging, and they suggested an open marriage to allow personal happiness sexually and emotionally, too. However, Maria and I, born Catholic, are not sure how it will affect us and our reputation. Can you tell us if that is the only way to seek solution to our marital problems?” helpless, confused John asked.
Not such a taboo subject now
Open marriage is no more a taboo or ridiculous relationship matter. In today’s fast paced life, it is becoming very common to have extramarital affairs or an open marriage. There are many factors. Many have chosen to resort to open marriage to avoid divorce. Lack of time and patience to resolve the marital or intimacy issues has also encouraged many couples to opt for open marriage. And in some schools of thought, it is also natural to favour open marriage as against the traditional marriage. Some believe that no man or woman can stay faithful or loving towards one person for a lifetime. It is unnatural to even expect it. We are always evolving and changing with passage of time and so do our preferences change. Our needs or primal desires may be quenched by many more than just our wedded wife or husband. Open marriage, as the term suggests, refers to an open relationship in which a person can have more than one sexual partner with the consent of their spouse. It is another name for swinging. It is a blessing for someone who wants to be in a steady relationship but doesn’t want to commit. But it is not everyone’s cup of tea, as it can be very painful and not everyone has the heart to share his/her partner (even sexually) with somebody else.
Reasons for choosing an open marriage
Broadly speaking, there are a few reasons why people opt for such a settlement: Being happy in an open marriage depends solely on you and your partner. But before getting into an open relationship, just know the pros and cons, so that you can make the right decision.
Pros of an open marriage
The biggest benefit of being in an open marriage is that you can have all the perks of being single while being committed to a relationship.It is human nature to feel bored with an unchanging lifestyle. In an open relationship, you can experience variety in your life.Communication between the couple improves, as the open relationship is all about communication.You don’t feel burdened with guilt and can enjoy your life in a better wayAs your partner is aware of offers you are getting, he/she may work hard to meet your requirements. In short, a little completion is always healthy.Your intimate life with your partner improves as you learn new sex techniques with other partners.Faithfulness in your marriage increases.
Cons of being in an open marriage
As there is more than one sexual partner involved, there is always the fear of Sexually Transmitted Diseases.It is not easy to share your partner with somebody else. The feeling of jealousy can creep in.Sometimes it becomes hard and embarrassing to communicate each and every detail to your partner.You have almost zero privacy.Society doesn’t support open relationships and you may be judged for it.There is always a fear of getting into an emotional relationship which will affect your marriage.It’s time-consuming and difficult. You could just as easily spend your life with one person, see them all the time, get used to them entirely – instead of remembering multiple people and different loves.
