There are vast theories, assumptions, and dream interpretations. Yet, the meaning of it depends on how you feel after the breakup. Dreams can be a result of different reasons and occasions. You might feel guilty or the past negativity might keep you dreaming about them. Post-break-up anxiety is quite common and that can trigger you to think about your ex. These thoughts induce those feelings in you and give the signal to your brain so you dream about it. During the day you can distract yourself and not think constantly about your ex. Whereas, at night there is nothing you can do to have control of your feelings or thoughts. When you fall asleep all those feelings that you choose to suppress or ignore during the day, appear at night. Since this situation is ambivalent, here are 11 reasons why you keep dreaming about your ex:
1. You have pending feelings and thoughts
If you are left with unanswered questions after the breakup, somehow your ex will pop up in your dreams. Even if you try to heal and move on, these feelings and thoughts will prevent the process. This doesn’t mean that you don’t want to move on or that you are dishonoring your current partner if you’re in a relationship. Your ex is still in your subconsciousness and until you face these feelings, they will be present. You want to sleep to forget about the past. But your subconsciousness has another plan. It brings out the desire to meet or have a conversation with your ex just to get that answer. In this situation, it’s better to either work on your feelings, face the reality or move on. If you need closure, you might ask your ask. You can take an action depending on your situation.
2. You feel guilty about the breakup
Dreams are usually a result of the feelings that we choose to avoid. We are aware of these feelings but still, we choose to ignore them. Usually, when you feel like you’ve been unfair to your ex, you’ll have persistent dreams about them. If your ex has not contacted you for some time that’s when you face the guilty part. Now, a part of you will feel dumped, anxious, and lonely. Try o look at it from a bird’s eye view. It’s very important to know how this dream made you feel. Were you sad or do you continue to be puzzled about your decision? All of these elements matter so you can work on what you’re going through. Most of the time, dreams are a bridge that connects you with suppressed feelings. It doesn’t mean that a dream should always be about your ex. A dream tells you that you need to focus on that part of you that needs to be fixed.
3. You’re starting to miss your ex
Missing your ex is not something wrong and you can’t control it. It’s quite normal to have those waves of nostalgia and loneliness after the breakup. During the day, you have the chance to distract yourself from these feelings. Yet, during the night you sleep to forget that it’s not possible. These feelings can be apparent right after the breakup or even after a few years. It can be something that makes you miss your ex.
You might be single and feel empty;You might not be content with your current love life;You liked how your ex made you feel;You don’t like your current intimate life;
You might even see your ex with someone else in a dream and feel some emptiness. You miss human interaction or you miss their presence and attention, Now, you’re jealous that someone else might get it. Human brain functions in a way that transmits everything that you feed it during the day.
4. You’re in pain and hurt after the breakup
The mourning period of the breakup isn’t the same for everyone. Breakups can be very traumatic and having nightmares is a sign of dealing with post-breakup anxiety. As Schredl (2021) stated you dream about your ex because you still feel the pain from the breakup. You can dream about your ex even years after because you’re not completely healed yet. Even the smallest detail that triggers these negative feelings can turn into a nightmare at night. You might have a similar fight with your current ex and you went through the same feelings. This can induce your dreams when you feel all over the same. It’s common to feel despair even after you broke up a long time ago. The feelings of loneliness, lack of hope, and having no passion recur once you’re not appreciated or loved.
5. You dream about your ex before falling asleep
Everyone daydreams to some extent. We do this to cope with our feelings and escape reality for a bit. If you fantasize and daydream about your ex then that will impact your sleep. That’s because you aren’t making a difference between reality and fantasy. Since during the day you dream about your ex, you continue it also during the night. What causes the ongoing thoughts is the fact of not wanting to accept reality and pain. Fantasizing indeed takes you to that happy place that you imagine. Whereas, as the researcher Killingsworth (2010) cited a wandering mind is not a happy one. Therefore, you console yourself in this form.
6. You aren’t ready to let your ex go
Getting over an ex and letting them go depends on your personality and the attachment that you had. If you have an anxious attachment style, you’ll have it harder to let your ex go. In reality, you might state the contrary, that you’ve already moved on. Yet, you aren’t ready to be on your own. This is why you can’t stop dreaming about your ex. You want to still feel his or her presence even in your dreams. You might say that I dream every night about my ex. Yes, you do that because of the fear of being lonely and unloved. On the other, you are not ready to date other people and you keep just
7. You still love your ex
If you still have strong feelings for your ex, you will dream about them constantly. When you dream about your ex getting married to someone else, you’ll wake up drenched in sweat. That’s because that’s your biggest fear. You are afraid that your ex has moved on already and they are over you. Is quite normal to feel like this during the first months after the breakup. This is one of the breakup stages that you might go through. This can be a message as a reflection of your feelings. You might be struggling to move on and that can be a signal that you need to distance yourself from these feelings.
8. You miss the way your ex made you feel
It’s the vacancy that you encounter in life that triggers your old wounds and feelings. Even the greatest psychologist Carl Jung has emphasized that when you dream you should search within yourself for an answer. The dream doesn’t have always to be directed toward your ex. “One should never forget that one dreams in the first place, and almost to the exclusion of all else, of oneself. Quite definite rules govern any exceptions. If we acknowledge this truth we shall sometimes find ourselves faced with fascinating problems.” ~ Carl Jung Back in time, your ex might have made you feel sexy and special and that’s when you start to dream about them. You might lack these two elements right now in life and that’s when your ex keeps popping into your dreams. If your ex has brought out the best in you and no one has succeeded in it, that’s why you dream about your ex. These types of dreams tell you to search for the best version of yourself.
9. You need to spice up your current relationship or life
When you need to make some changes in your life the past collides with the future. There’s a line between enjoying the present and being stuck in the present. If you are bored and not happy with your current life, an ex will have a quick visit on your dreams. When you dream about having a steamy night with your ex, it means that you need this type of intimacy. If at this moment, you’re single then you miss this type of experience. Your desires are coming out on the surface. If you’re in a relationship, then you might not be enjoying it. Either way, the ex will bring out the past throughout the dream for a reason. It’s the past that made you feel comfortable and happy. You need to feel that spark again in your life.
10. You feel like you could have done better
Sometimes dreaming about an ex years later is just a reflection of your actions. If you have been struggling with the same things and making the same mistakes, your subconsciousness has a plan. Since a part of you feels that you aren’t changing, you dream about your ex and what you could have done differently. Now, is your chance to focus on your flaws and mistakes. If you can remember your dream, try to write down how it happened. If you remember any of your dialogues, then write some phrases here and there. You might go back to it after some time and reflect. Reflect if you have been doing those things that maybe you might have been accused of in a dream. On top of it, write down how you felt. That’s quite important to know why your ex was a part of your dream after a few years.
11. You should be back to reality
Dreaming about an ex and their new partner means that you should look forward to the future. It’s a sign that you should focus more on your feelings and sort them out. Maybe you have been denying your feelings for a while and you were hoping that your ex will get back. In this situation, your brain is trying to tell you that you need to take a step back. Freud said that every dream has a meaning. No dream can be qualified as JUST A DREAM. This means that behind every dream there lies a reason. It can be just a simple letter, a sound, a person, or your feelings, that made you dream about your ex. As a study has shown: people dream about their ex to ease their sadness and depression and be back to normal.
How to stop having dreams about your ex?
If you want to know how to stop dreaming about your ex, you should try to not be obsessed with dreaming about them. Instead, try to understand what is impacting you to dream constantly about them. Is it you or another outside factor?
- Start by journaling during the day or at night. Write down how you have been feeling lately or during that day. If you dream about your ex that night, write down how that made you feel. Knowing how that made you feel, you can decipher what you need to change. You’ll have the chance to notice if you’ve been suppressing your feelings or if you’ve been ignoring yourself.
- Be open and talk to your friends or family. Venting to your friends or even a family member can help you in releasing your feelings. Since when you keep all those feelings and dreams to yourself, chances are you’ll continue to dream about the same thing.
- Read a book or listen to music before sleeping. If you change your night routine and try to occupy yourself with other things, you’ll notice some changes. Instead of reminiscing about your ex and falling asleep, you can listen to classical, soft, or ASMR sounds. These types of sounds or music will help you relax and feel at ease. Otherwise, if you go to sleep immediately after a stressful day, that will connect with past trauma.
- Try to heal yourself and enhance the game of self-love. Focus more on yourself and how you can improve every bit of yourself. This way, you’ll see what you’re lacking in life. You’ll find the source that’s causing the stress and that is impacting negatively your sleep.
- Don’t go hard on yourself and give yourself some time. It’s quite normal to be obsessed with these dreams if you see them every night.
Yet, let yourself change the routine.Go and reflect on your feelings in the morning.Continue the day in the most normal form.
I know it sounds like a forced technique and you might be skeptical. Hence, not thinking about the dream will trigger your consciousness to make you dream again about your ex.
When does dreaming about your ex become an issue?
Dreaming about an ex constantly can become risky when it impacts you negatively. You have nightmares every night and the situation becomes suffocating. If you keep dreaming about your ex and waking up with trauma, you’ll start to be obsessed with these dreams. You will want to know the meaning behind every detail that your dream contains. On the other hand, you might take those details and interpret the dream in different forms. As a result of it, you might want to use these details in your daily life, even though those actions might be unnecessary or harmful. When the situation becomes complicated and you feel like you’re in a loop of obsessive thoughts, you can seek help. You need to understand what type of attachment you had in your old relationship. Before seeking the help of the therapists, seek the help of coaches to understand your relationship:
Extra help from psychoanalytic therapists!
If dreaming about your ex becomes a daily issue and you go through these things, you should ask for help. Some of the issues that you might encounter when dreaming about an ex impacts you negatively:
You have multiple nightmaresYou can’t sleep at allYou have trouble eating and workingYou start to imagine things after they appear constantly in your dreams;
Here is the list of verified psychoanalytic therapists:
- Marie Mercado;
- Betsy Hallerman;
- Meredith L Friedson;
- Maxine Gann;
- Individual Psychotherapy with the Garrison Counseling Team;
- Counselling Directory;
Why do I dream about my ex?
You dream about your ex because dreams help you to process the breakup and get in touch with your subconsciousness. There isn’t just one proper reason that makes you dream about your ex. Every relationship, breakup, and life develops differently. Dreams are symbols or even simple thoughts that want to signal you to focus on one thing. To avoid being stuck in a loop when you always dream about your ex, write those dreams down. Try to see what keeps you dreaming about your ex. Nothing can hold you back as soon as you choose to work on yourself. Best, Callisto
