Gone are the days when older women-younger men relationships yanked us straight into predatory connotations with words like ‘cougar’, ‘cradle robber’, and ‘Mrs. Robinson’. Times have changed. Age stereotypes and ageism in relationships are slowly but steadily withering away. Women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s, and above are fitter and more independent than ever before. Things have changed for men too who, today, are more emotionally mature than their older brethren, making an older woman dating a younger man a far more common occurrence. So, are you being serenaded by younger men? Are you taking great pleasure in the attention? But has it also caught you off guard and left you wondering: Well, what’s the appeal? And what does it mean when you attract younger guys? Read on to find out.
Why Are Younger Guys Attracted To Me – 21 Probable Reasons
It’s not uncommon for men to show interest in women older than them. There is no dearth of facts related to older woman younger man relationships. A recent survey done by the leading cougar dating site, olderwomendating.com, sheds more light on older woman-younger man relationships. It found that most men assigned higher priority to women aged 30 and above. 51% of the men expressed desire to date women between the age group of 30 to 45. 18% of the men said that they had a preference for women aged over 45. Statistics aside, perception of the woman’s age in a romantic relationship began to change with the sexual revolution and the advent of the contraception pill that liberated women’s sexuality from the obligation of child bearing. Two decades later, older woman-younger man relationships started garnering media attention. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher became the poster children of the phenomenon. And the popularity of shows like Sex and the City and Cougar Town skyrocketed. But if you still think that younger men see you as a sugar mama or through some other warped psychology of older woman-younger man relationships, we bring to you 21 solid reasons younger guys could be attracted to you:
1. You are emotionally mature
Clearly, you are a woman mature in age. A relationship with you will be free of unnecessary drama. A younger guy approaches you with the assumption that you would have a certain level of emotional intelligence and emotional fitness. Emotional maturity is a crucial life skill and has many benefits for a relationship. You are more adept at handling conflicts. You manage your feelings well. Your maturity and experience means you know how to handle conflicts. You might even predict and circumvent them. In the face of adversity, you are not easily shaken up. There is no reason for you to wonder, “Why are younger men attracted to me?” It’s the ease of being around you that is attracting young guys. It’s apparent that he wouldn’t have to work as hard on a relationship with you as he needs to with a younger woman, that is, if he’s an emotionally mature person himself.
2. Your financial stability is attracting them
If you are an older woman, chances are you are already accomplished in your career and have your finances in order. A guy will not feel the pressure of wooing you through money since you already have plenty of your own. In fact, the possibility of being taken care of or pampered by you through gifts and other monetary serenading, for a change, can be extremely attractive to a young guy. However, be warned of a man, younger or older, who is looking at your wealth in hopes of leeching off of you by using you financially. There is a difference between graciously accepting your financial contributions and being parasitically dependent on you.
3. When a much younger guy likes you, he is attracted to your confidence
Age and experience bring confidence. There is no doubt that you will exude more confidence than an average woman who is considerably younger than you. You know yourself much better by now. Your fearlessness, self-awareness, and self-assuredness is alluring. Also, it gives a guy the impression that he doesn’t have to take care of you all the time. That he will have the space to take it easy and he can depend on you too.
4. You are successful and that’s attractive
Success comes with wealth, influence, and power, all of which are extremely attractive to all people irrespective of their age. With your age comes the assumption that you must be successful at what you do and hold some influence in society. Don’t forget, successful independent women can be very attractive. To be attracted to power is a psychological impulse which makes one feel safe. This does not necessarily mean that a young guy is pursuing you with an ulterior motive. However, it is always wise to trust your gut should you decide to requite the love of a considerably younger man who is drawn to your success.
5. You understand the importance of boundaries in a relationship
You have reached a stage in life where you have come to understand the value of personal space and time. You respect individuality and expect it from your partner. With your no-nonsense attitude and directness, you also know how to communicate your need for both physical and emotional boundaries. A young but emotionally mature guy looking for a similar kind of a relationship dynamic will be attracted to the freedom and individuality you bring to the table.
6. They are attracted to your sexual experience
Do not deny your sexual magnetism. Your sexual experience is what’s making younger blokes flock around you like bees to a flower. They feel that you would be confident and assertive about your needs in bed. They don’t want someone who tiptoes around their desires and flutters between the sheets. Some men have sexual fantasies about older women and instead of role-playing them with younger girlfriends, they take the plunge with older lovers. Additionally, you may have some tricks up your sleeves to make him worship you like the goddess you are.
7. They assume you do not want a family
If you are an empty nester, it works quite well for a younger man! Most older women would either already have children of their own, or be sure about their decision to stay childfree by choice. Some young men do not want the pressure of raising a family. Dating you is a great proposition for them. But this means they might be treating you as a sexual stepping stone. If you are looking to raise a family and have children, look for the younger family-oriented men who pursue older women precisely to start a family, believing that mature women might be more ready to do so. Yes, such men exist!
8. It boosts their ego
Doesn’t it mean something to be able to win the attention of a woman who has enough life experience to call his bluff? It gives him a sense of accomplishment if you find him intriguing enough to partner with. You validate his intellectual and emotional capacity. Being able to match your maturity gives him the ultimate ego boost. Think of it this way, getting attention from a younger guy gives you some kind of confirmation too, doesn’t it? Like you’ve still got it! It’s the same for him. Age difference in relationships works as a healthy challenge and makes people believe that they have what it takes to ‘win’.
9. You have a lot to share
Owing to your longer life experience, there is so much that you have seen. You know more, you have done more, seen more, been through more. A younger guy is pulled to your wisdom and intellect, and he loves that he can be around a conversationalist. Conversations with you are easy, interesting, and deeper than what he is used to with people his own age. You, my lady, have turned the phrase, “at the wrong side of 40”, on its head.
10. You have more energy
Younger men fall for older women because, contrary to popular belief, they have more energy. Life is sorted for them. They are not constantly distracted or weighed down by the innumerable decisions – career, marriage, children, societal expectations – young women have to deal with. They are past that stage and more in control of their reality. They have the privilege to take it slow. Still wondering, “Why are younger guys attracted to me?” This less desperate and more grounded energy is highly potent and infectious. This is what is bringing all the boys to the yard…
11. They can learn a lot from you
200 men interviewed by authors Felicia Brings and Susan Winter for their book Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance echoed the same sentiment. Vincent, 31, says, “Just the fact that there’s so much to learn from an older woman, that they have so many more life experiences to draw upon, is an adventure to me. It’s like a rush.” Art, 28, says for his older ex-partner, “She offered me the opportunity to see another perspective on a lot of different issues.”
12. You’re nurturing and comforting
If you’re the nurturing kind, there is something grounding, peaceful, and comforting about it. Without alluding to the infamous Oedipal complex as the only possible psychology behind younger man-older woman relationships, there is no denying that a mature woman may exude a certain nurturing quality that younger me n are attracted to. You probably find it easy to take care of yourself. A young man would imagine that you would take care of him too.
13. You look younger
The simplest response to “Why do younger guys hit on me all the time?” is because you don’t look your age. Not that it is important, but it doesn’t hurt if you look younger than your age. Do men often come to you at parties, and are wildly surprised to know you are actually significantly older than you look? It shows you know how to take care of yourself and garners more respect. It reflects several attractive qualities, such as hard work, self-discipline, clean habits, and self-love. The fact that you correct them and tell them your real age is adding to your charm.
14. You are in control
Again, being with you makes the life of your partner easy. The best thing about this reverse age-gap relationship is that unlike a relationship between a younger woman and older man, there is a natural power balance with cougars dating younger guys. You find it easy to be in control, and young men these days want to relinquish a bit of control to make their lives easier. Men today are more used to this shift, having been raised by strong women and having worked under female bosses. When you are in control, a guy can rest easy that he alone doesn’t have to initiate plans, buy a hotel room, make dinner reservations, book tickets, call the cab, plan dates, and the like. Moreover, in defiance of traditional gender roles, he can depend on you not just for joy but in case of adversity too.
15. You are assertive and direct
The younger guys who have been showing interest in you are drawn to your directness and transparency. You most likely have been there, done that, and can easily call a spade a spade, while a younger woman is still learning how to say no and express her needs. You don’t have to worry about “why are younger guys hitting on me all of a sudden?” These men can depend on you to communicate how you feel and what you want, with no need to slog at guess-work. You know what you want and can ask for it. You make their life easy. Why wouldn’t they want you?
17. They have many reasons to respect you
There is so much about you that he admires you for – once you decide to get out of your head and respond to his advances. Your home would be more sorted, as would your life. You can probably cook a nice meal without much trouble. You have all these years that have taught you how to fix things around the house, and how to demand respect from the cop who hands you a speeding ticket.
16. They are looking for an equal relationship
This young guy who is wooing you might be looking for a relationship of equals. He is ready to offer what mature women want in a relationship. Approaching an older woman means he is relinquishing power and humbling down by engaging in a reverse age-gap relationship, challenging gender and age stereotypes. This gives him the pleasure of self-identifying as a “liberated lover”.
18. You have refined taste
In the book mentioned earlier, ‘Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance’, men responded that they find older women more dignified and poised. With professional and financial success you have had, you have been able to nurture a refined taste. You are not easily swayed by trends and have developed your individual style. Your sophistication is what is attracting younger men to you.
19. Age is just a number
If you are still finding it difficult to wrap your head around the fact that younger men are hitting on you all of a sudden, we have just one thing to say, age is just a number. If you have ever been attracted to someone with an age gap, remember what it was about them that tugged at your heart. “Why are younger guys attracted to me?”, you ask. You have your answer right there. They could be attracted to one of your many amazing qualities that have nothing to do with your age. You could be an avid reader or a movie lover who he is dying to shower with gifts. Or someone who regularly contributes to charitable causes. Maybe you have a sweet tooth and he can’t wait to bake cookies for you.
20. Younger men are attracted to you because of your age
On the other hand, it could precisely be your age that is attracting them. Dating older women could just be this guy’s thing. It is possible he has always liked older women, with serial crushes on his school teachers and his mother’s friends as proof. Think of it this way, he is not attracted to you despite your age, he is attracted to you because of it. He loves everything you bring to the table because of your age, and you are exactly his type.
21. You are a breath of fresh air
Everyone is out there looking for novelty. Maybe he is tired of dating women his age or younger and wants to try something new. Your calm maturity and confident sexuality are a breath of fresh air for him. And so can dating a young guy be for you. Contrary to the popularity of predatory terms like Cougar women (and now Jaguar women and Puma women), very few mature women actively pursue passive younger men. It is in fact the women who are frequently chased by younger men. These notions vilify women’s sexuality, especially when they get older. The cultural discomfort surrounding women’s sexuality and perception of sex in general has made us believe that a woman’s worth declines with age. This is not true. Do not let the gendered script for love and bonding limit your options. Forget the age. If you like one of these men who are fighting for your attention, just go for it Disclaimer: On the pretext of doing away with ageism, we do not condone sexual grooming of a young man by an older woman in a position of power. It is a pervasive issue irrespective of the gender dynamics and must be looked at as inappropriate and abusive.
