This is the guy to randomly text you once or more a week. He keeps it so random that it becomes puzzling when thinking about his motives. Well, what does he want?! Men tend to be generally difficult to understand, especially when it comes to their texting patterns and approaches. But we’ve got him figured out! Here are 10 reasons why guys randomly text you!
1. You’re not a priority to him
When a man isn’t that much into you, he’s more likely to get into flaky behavior, come and go, and not pay much mind to the way he makes you feel. Your connection hasn’t established that level of depth where you prioritize one another. If his texting isn’t consistent and he doesn’t put much effort into the connection overall, then you might not be a priority to him. This is normal when it comes to the early stages of knowing a person and there isn’t a strong spark but still, it’s there. So he doesn’t want to let you go entirely, but he isn’t willing to give it all yet. You didn’t make it to his priority list yet.
2. He doesn’t know how to approach you
The early stages of dating and knowing a person, especially through text, tend to be governed by uncertainty. You haven’t discussed boundaries and preferences yet, so he’s going back and forth, texting the waters, and seeing what way of communication suits you best. Since your connection is new and fresh, you’re still unfamiliar with what works best for you. Not knowing how to approach you can reflect that confusion in his behavior making it seem flaky and random. The safest option here can seem to play it cool and keep it random since it keeps you in touch but doesn’t break things off.
3. He’s taking things easy
Usually, in the early stages of dating, you don’t owe your date the entirety of your time and attention. Things are easy going and you don’t have to keep up with one another 24/7. That’s another issue if things get deep and serious between you two, but that’s how it is in the early stages, it’s sort of a standard in the world of modern dating. There’s the fear of scaring one another off, but there’s also the fact that you’re both a mystery to one another. Hence the need to keep it cool, easy, and random. He doesn’t want to shower you with texts until you establish a solid ground for your connection to stand on. He doesn’t really know how to approach you yet, so he’s playing it safe by keeping it random when it comes to texting.
4. It’s his way of keeping up
One of the less-mentioned reasons why he randomly texts you is his way of keeping up with people through the phone and texting. Some people just don’t like texting and phones and use them for practical reasons only such as setting up a date or phone conversation. If he’s not into texting that much then he won’t be texting you that much. He’s the type to think of you a lot but not text you because a text conversation doesn’t have any emotional weight in his perspective. Some men admit to this. According to this type of man, the weight of an in-person conversation is incomparably more valuable than a text conversation. An in-person conversation is rich in emotion, facial expressions, eye contact, tone of voice, non-verbal communication, and connection overall. On the other hand, some just want to save the good stuff for an in-person conversation where a touch of a hand can make a big difference or a particular way of making eye contact could change the whole flow of the conversation.
5. You’re his backup for when he’s bored
Unfortunately, there’s an ugly side to this story as well… This is the type of guy to have a number of people who he texts randomly to pass the time when his “main” source of attention isn’t paying him attention. By keeping you (and other people) as his backup he’ll secure himself an ego boost when he needs one by putting little to no effort into the connection(s). He texts you randomly because it doesn’t take much effort, commitment, or time to keep you around. He wants to secure a spot in your life to come and go whenever he feels like it. He’s not much into you, but he wants to make sure you’re there because you’re cute and you give him something he needs, be it validation or something else. In other words, he doesn’t take the connection with you that seriously but wants to keep it there just in case he ends up alone.
6. He’s not sure where he stands within the connection
He texts you once out of the blue, and you reply and engage in the conversation, it goes well, and it goes interesting, and you like it. Next thing you know, he disappeared again. He then texts you again randomly, you give this one more try, the conversation goes great, there are laughs and everything. He does it again, he disappears. Here’s the thing! He might not be sure where he’s standing within the connection with you. He likes you, he might get scared of his feelings, and take some time. Then to not make a big deal out of it he acts casual by texting you randomly as if he’d never been gone this week. He’s between keeping it casual and delving deep into the connection with you. He goes back and forth, texting you randomly and keeping it light until he figures out where he’s at.
7. He’s not that into you but doesn’t want to let the connection fade
This is where he kind of likes you and is interested just enough to not let you go. If he’d kept his texting consistent he’d give you the wrong idea. To avoid doing that, he keeps it random to keep the connection there. He’s unsure because he’s a bit into you but he feels like he could have a stronger connection with someone else. It’s that thought of having alternatives and options that keep him going back and forth. “She’s kind of lovely, but what if there’s something else more lovely?” This doesn’t have to do anything with the level of your loveliness. He doesn’t determine how lovely or how valuable you are. It’s how he could see it from his perspective shaped by his individual preferences (WHICH DON’T DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON).
8. He’s hoping for something else other than commitment
Unfortunately, he could be using you for something else other than what you’re looking for from the connection with him. He noticed you can provide him or possibly provide him with something he needs. He randomly texts you when he needs that thing, and once he gets it he goes MIA. You might be looking for commitment and stability but he, on the other hand, could be feeding that hope of yours with nice words and no actions. He could be using you for validation, comfort, a confirmation that he’s liked, sex (including sexting), or something else that he found out you can provide him with.
9. He’s into mind games
Players don’t like putting in much effort and time into things. They like things casual, superficial, and low-effort. He texts you randomly to keep things going, to keep you hooked on the idea of him, and to secure a place in your contact list. As pessimistic as it can sound, this is an ugly truth that’s very common in the dating world. He texts you just enough to keep you interested, for you to not forget him, and for you to think that there’s hope that something might happen with him someday. On the other hand, when he takes his time for days or weeks, he leaves room for anticipation, wonder, and tension to build up. Making you feel confused by his approach, he keeps you interested because “he doesn’t seem like other guys” He’s standing out with this behavior by tricking you into thinking he’s into you but not enough to text you consistently.
10. He likes you secretly
He’s into you but doesn’t want you to find out. He’s playing it cool by avoiding texting you every day and texting you ever so randomly instead. Since this is his secret for whatever reason he’ll play along with this pattern of texting until he’s ready to do something about his attraction toward you. The thing is, he can’t help but keep in touch with you, but he doesn’t want it to get overwhelming and give you enough hints of his secret. He texts you randomly once or twice a week to prevent you from finding out that he’s into you. In such cases, it’s external factors and circumstances that play a role in the openness to such feelings. He’s scared for himself, that you may say no, or that he’ll ruin the friendship he has with you. He’s playing it risky and safe. He’s texting you randomly.
How to respond to his random texts? What’s the right thing to do in this situation?
He texts randomly, you want more, and it feels a bit annoying that you don’t get to talk to him as much. It leaves you puzzled because the texting part says he might like you but the part where he goes silent for days… not so much, right? Well, here’s what’s the right thing to do when a guy randomly texts you!
– Avoid illusionary hope.
Considering that you’re not aware of his intentions, you want to avoid feeding yourself with false hope. Giving the situation interpretations that are solely based on your hopeful imagination might leave you heartbroken by the end of the process. That’s because you create these high expectations based on what you’d like to happen and what you’d like the truth to be. But you’re not aware of the truth. Those expectations and hopes are likely to not meet the reality, making you feel sad because you were seeing the reality you wanted to see for a while. You’re not aware of his motives and intentions behind this behavior, hence take it as it is – random.
– Try understanding where your connection with him is.
Understanding where you’re standing with this guy is important in this situation. We don’t want to be misled hence the best way to avoid being so is to understand where the connection is, realistically. You can do that by either analyzing his behavior and way of texting with you or asking him particular questions that’ll get you the direct answer. If you feel like finding out what’s up with his behavior you can text him something like
“Oh hi, it’s you again haha! What’s up with this random texting recently?” “I don’t want to be pushy, but this way of communicating is bugging me a little bit. Is there something you want to tell me?” “I’m not used to receiving texts from you this way. Is there something I should know?” “I appreciate the fact that you care, but I’m not that comfortable with this consistency of texting.”
– Ask yourself whether you’re ok with this.
How is his behavior making you feel? If you’re skeptical, confused, not okay with it, uneasy, or even disturbed then you should do something about it. Go along with randomly texting if you’re okay with it, but don’t go along with it if it’s something that’s disturbing you. Whether you want the contact to be more consistent or less then you can do something about it. Text him and let him know about it. Sit back and reflect on his importance and influence in your life, your emotional state, and your mood overall. It’s okay to struggle to find out what you’re feeling, and it’s okay to not know what to do about it. You can always reach out to someone, an expert, a good friend, or a family member for a third perspective.
– If you wish to cut contact with him, let him know.
Sometimes the text doesn’t come from the person you want it from. Whatever your connection with this guy is, if you don’t want this to keep going, you should let him know. Ghosting is toxic and it can have a toll on his perception of self and self-worth in general. So instead of letting the connection fade away by lack of communication or no communication at all, all it takes is one single text to make it easier for both of you. Here:
“It’s been lovely getting to know you but I’m not feeling like we could have a connection more than friendship. I’m sorry, and thank you.” “I’m not feeling okay with this consistency of texting, but you’re lovely. Unfortunately, I’ll have to let you go. It’s been lovely getting to know you.”
All it takes is one text to solve this. Love, Callisto
