As soon as you think you got the situation in your hands, you feel like all that distance and healing is already broken. Look at this from this Point of View: You hear their favorite song or the first song that you’ve danced to. Bam, the nostalgia hits you hard. This feeling will be present even after a few weeks or years. You could miss your ex but not their presence, you can miss the idea of this person, or you just miss the person you were then. Remember, that emotional healing takes a lot of time. It can not happen in the blink of an eye. It takes a lot of ups and downs to heal and disconnect from that situation. Yet, don’t try to ignore this feeling and be discouraged! This article will help you recognize why you feel this way and how you can heal. 12 reasons that make you miss your ex:
1. You’re not mentally prepared to move on
It’s very understandable to feel stuck in a dark cloud after a breakup. As you’re going through grief, you experience a heavy sadness. These negative feelings make you reminisce about your ex and how to relive some moments with them. You’re longing for their presence and you’re suffering. Sadness is one of the basic elements that make you miss your ex. If you’re going through these feelings that are prolonged then you’re going through emotional distress. This situation is more likely to happen after a long-term relationship or divorce. Since you’re being sad and anxious you’ll keep thinking about your ex and missing them.
2. You’re not feeling loved
After a breakup, your self-confidence is crushed. I am starting with how the dumper feels. After being dumped, you’re in denial and you feel rejected. Immediately you connect these feelings with the thought that you’re not good enough. This happens later to the dumper too. If you use the No Contact rule and they ask themselves why you haven’t reached them yet. Being hard to love yourself and not being loved by anyone at the moment pushes you to crave your ex. You’ll miss your ex so much, the moment you realize that you miss the affection/attention of your ex.
3. You don’t feel accomplished
Even if you’re at the best point in your professional life, you still have that void that you don’t feel fulfilled. You have a void in your mind because you feel like you haven’t accomplished romantically what you wanted to. The emotions and previous feelings still exist as a file in your brain. That triggers old feelings of what you fantasized about or wished your relationship would be like. This means that you’ve not experienced any romantic feelings lately. You feel empty in this aspect. As simple as that, you miss your ex and wish they were there with you. Now, you feel like you’ve curated yourself yet you’re having small grudges about not experiencing love again.
4. Your new date reminds you of your ex
Even the smallest details of your date or even your new partner will make you miss your ex. If they like the same food or the same music or have many similar traits, immediately nostalgia will hit you. The brain keeps reminding you that there are some familiar elements to notice. You might think that you’re experiencing deja vu but actually, the feeling of fear, loss, and sorrow trigger the memory. This means that you’re missing your ex in particular and not the relationship. That creates a soft wave of sadness. How long that will last, is based on whether you couldn’t move on or you did it already.
5. You miss the person you were
In this case, you miss your ex suddenly after a year or two years because you miss who you were at that time. There are a few reasons that make you miss your ex in this situation:
You miss the energy that was created in your relationship;
You miss the fact how they made you a better person;
You miss how empowered your ex made you feel;
You miss how they treated you;
You just miss being valued;
No matter how much time has passed after the breakup, if no other partner made you feel the same: you’ll miss your ex.
6. You’re going through a momentary temptation
It’s hard for you to get used to a broken life pattern. Then it will be 2 or 6 months, and you’ll suddenly miss your ex. You don’t want to accept the fact that your ex does not love you anymore and get out of your comfort zone. This way, you’ll end up missing your ex more and losing attachment to what’s happening. You’ll miss the idea of the relationship and you’ll miss your ex sexually. This feeling is momentary because after the breakup you were:
- Highly emotionally charged and couldn’t feel the attraction right away;
- You were detached first, but you couldn’t find someone else sexually compatible as your ex;
- You remember that the best memory that you had was your intimacy; This feeling of missing your ex is temporary and you’ll notice that it will go away in a few minutes or hours. If this happens to you then be sure that you’ll just miss the way your ex made you feel and not them.
7. You’ve been scrolling a lot through social media
Social media is one of the indicators of suddenly missing your ex. The moment you see a picture of your ex then it’s pretty normal to feel a wave of nostalgia. If you notice that your ex is having a good time with others, you suddenly wish you were there. The old memories are triggered at that moment that makes you miss that time and your ex. Keep in mind that this depends on how you feel at that moment. If you have already moved on, seeing them on social media won’t have the same impact if you’re not over them yet.
8. You’re unsure if the breakup was for the best
Why do I miss my ex when I broke up with them? Well, if you’re the dumper and you start to miss your ex so much, it means that you’re still pondering your decision. You can’t be aware of sorrow, anguish, and doubt right after the breakup. After the second stage of the breakup hits you, that’s when you start to miss your ex. You’ll miss them because you feel guilty. You regret cutting ties with them. At this point, you’ll miss your ex so much because you don’t if the situation could be fixed. The fear of being rejected again and the resentment of your ex will raise the dose of missing them.
9. You’re fixated only on good times
You’ll miss your ex so much if you’re fixated on remembering only the good times. You miss them because you cling to the idea of what used to be. Even though this is not a healthy way to cope with the breakup, you do it. You hang on to these memories because that’s the only way you can accept the fact of the breakup. To not experience the negative sides of your relationship, you prefer to keep only good memories. As soon as you balance the memories, you can let your ex go and reflect on your relationship. To balance these thoughts and feelings, try No Contact just for 30 days. This period will be used as a tipping point to acknowledge what you’re feeling.
10. Your ex had power over you
This is more evident if you experienced a toxic relationship. You miss that trauma bonding, you don’t miss your ex. Even though it’s not a healthy way of bonding, it seems that you’re used to that type of attachment. For people dealing with a narcissistic ex, it is pretty normal to have still strings attached. You allowed yourself to rely on your happiness and the purpose of your life to your ex. Now that they’re gone you don’t think that you might find love or be that “happy” again. Being in this type of relationship, you’re part of a vicious circle. You enter a good relationship, then things get really bad, then the situation seems to change for the “better”. In this case, it is totally fine to miss someone you had in your life. Yet, that cycle of abuse keeps you attached to your ex.
11. You tried to move on quicker
Emotions are very crucial for our consciousness and its operation. Sometimes when you want to kind of win the breakup, you jump immediately to another relationship. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and dealing with them, you want to feel the same with someone else. In this case, you let your emotions and ego lead your next decision. While you ignore the sadness and loss of your ex-partner, you start missing them. You would be like: It’s been three months or 6 months and I still miss my ex. Yes, you will miss them as long as you stay in a rebound relationship and don’t grieve first. Allow yourself to cry, shout, and nourish before you start another relationship!
12. Your ex’s moving on faster than you
At this point, your ego is making you think you miss your ex. If you weren’t missing your ex earlier and now suddenly you see them moving on, you suddenly miss them. Because you feel like your relationship meant nothing to your ex, you cling to the idea of missing them. With one word, you feel rejected. That feeling of rejection and not being loved by your ex makes you miss them. ~You miss the way your ex loved you; ~ You miss their scent or presence; You don’t want anyone else to experience that unless it’s you; ~ You miss their attention and do not want to accept the fact that you lost it;
What to do when you miss your ex so badly?
One main thing that you should do when you’re missing your ex so badly, is to know that it’s normal to feel that way. Every individual has their own pace when it comes to healing and getting used to the feeling of missing an ex. ~ Let’s start with recognizing your feelings first. Once you realize how you’re feeling then it’s easier to know why you miss your ex. ~A crucial thing is to distinguish if you’re missing your ex or their companionship. Right after the breakup, it is difficult to make this distinction. Yet, with time you’ll tell the difference. After one month, unconsciously you’ll differentiate these feelings. If you miss their scent, you miss their attention and you’re just missing your ex’s presence. If you miss your ex as a person, then you’ll miss how they were bad at taking advice but yet managed to solve their issues. ~When you realize that you need their companionship, you focus on your good traits. Try to evolve them. By improving yourself you can come to the conclusion that you don’t need to rely on your ex to feel fulfilled or loved. Read more, learn new things, and listen to podcasts to feed your brain and soul. ~ Most importantly learn that solitude isn’t always a negative thing. If you miss your ex and not his presence then try to be one with solitude. You can do it by going through the process of grieving. You write down everything that is making you feel bad. Reflect on what caused the breakup. Embrace the fact that not every relationship works. You can do it by giving yourself some time to cry and deal with the pain. Disconnect from the digital and outside world for some time. Travel on your own. You’ll realize after some time that you’ll feel like missing your ex at some time. Yet, that feeling is not as strong as it used to be. Getting over a routine is easier than getting over a person! ~ Disconnect yourself from the idea of maybe you’ll get back together. Once you step back and focus on other things such as friends, family, work, and anything else, you’ll start progressing. Because fantasizing about your future makes you miss your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. It’s never a good idea to get back with your ex if you just miss their presence. This way, you’ll end up in a reverse cycle and you’ll continuously miss them. ~ If it makes you feel better and at ease, ask for closure. It might not work for everyone but sometimes not to miss a person is to know why they broke up with you. This way you’ll not be able to fade these feelings. You’ll just learn the truth and look forward. If you’re the dumper, you might have one last conversation after the breakup. You might apologize, that will help you to move on and not miss them anymore.
I miss my ex & I don’t want my ex….
Do you see the dilemma? Everyone thinks that if you miss your ex you want to still be with them. That’s not the point. You can miss them and the way they made you feel but you don’t want to go through that pain anymore. After experiencing a breakup, you might want to have your ex near for a few moments. You just want to make that loneliness vanish or just feel good about yourself. Yet, you believe that going back will make you feel miserable or unwanted. Missing your ex is a part of healing and if you don’t want them back, you’re just starting to progress. How to know when to move on? It’s very hard to switch your emotions right after a breakup. If you know that you’ve lost something, you feel guilty about it and weak. If your ex pops up in your mind and you miss them just because something reminded you of them, it’s time to move on. You’ll always miss a part of a previous relationship or ex. That won’t disappear with time. Yet, with time you’ll need to learn that missing them is ok but getting back with them won’t be healthy. This feeling is the same as smelling a lovely fragrance. If you keep reminding yourself that, you’ll never like another one. The same goes for missing your ex. If you’re stagnant and don’t accept to adjust to changes, you’ll miss them forever.
Extra tips: Let’s count on the help of the best therapists!
Extra help from a therapist it’s the final touch that will help you understand this problem. A counselor or therapist will help you in approaching this problem from another point of view. They will help in determining the actual issue from the root. You’ll understand if you have this type of attachment from your childhood or another relationship. Here are some extra web pages that offer licensed therapists:
RelationshipHero– This particular page offers you licensed therapists and you can take an online session.
Good Therapy ~ On this page you can find different therapists and counselors and social workers.
Therapyroute.com ~ Offers the best service by a diverse staff where you can take your sessions online or in person.
- How long does it take to stop missing your ex? You can never stop missing your ex for good. You can only learn to cope with that feeling and decrease its intensity. You can do it by focusing on yourself, grieving, and surrounding yourself with friends and family. Yet, how long you’ll be able to do it, depends on how much you were involved in this relationship. If you were in a long-term relationship and put much effort into it, it would take much longer than usual. For some, it might take three months, six months, a year, or a lifetime!
- Why do I miss my ex-husband/ex-wife so much it hurts? It’s very hard to go through the process of divorce. That hurts more than just a casual breakup and it’s not easy to erase the feelings for your husband or wife. You commit your time, feelings, and energy to creating a long-lasting relationship. You miss them as a person, you miss their presence, the intimacy part, and everything in between.
One last thought: Why do I miss my ex?
Well, you might miss your ex out of love, jealousy, greed, or because of their impact on you. It doesn’t matter what type of relationship you had, toxic or a good one. There will come a sudden brief time when you’ll miss your ex. The most important thing to do is acknowledge this feeling and work it out. Don’t feel anxious or ashamed for feeling this way. Know that is quite normal. Best, Callisto
